Intramural sports are a lot like college. Some people win, some people lose, but everybody drinks beer.

With fall right around the corner, this is your seasonal reminder to stay active and be social. It sounds simple, but it’s easier said than done. Thankfully, that’s where Simply Social Sports (S3) comes in.

S3 prides themselves on running the most welcoming, personal, and social intramural leagues in Chicago. You can join by yourself, with friends, or sign up for a full team. So put down the Xbox, and register now.

After all, you won’t meet new people sitting in your parent’s basement.

The 10 Commandments of Intramural Sports

Fall intramural season is almost here, and decided to acknowledge the 10 divine rules of recreational sports.

1. Don’t be that guy. 

Whether it’s co-ed or not, there will always be ‘that guy.’

You know, the one who slides into home like Billy ‘Downtown’ Anderson in Major League 3: Back to the Minors. The guy who too often takes the game from competitive to damn near terrifying with one whiff of the bat. You might be playing to have a good time, but he’s there to win at all costs.

So please, stop yelling bro. And quit trying to live in the glory days of junior varsity high school baseball.

Click here to register for fall softball leagues. 

2. Push the fluids.

To stay hydrated, most certified doctors would recommend water.

No matter your beverage of choice, you need to stay hydrated. The sun might not be melting your face anymore, but after sweating through meetings at work all day, the nighttime humidity will eventually sneak up on you, sometimes in the form of SWAS.

Sweaty Wet Ass Syndrome.

Let me be the first to tell you: softball is a lot less fun with soiled underpants.

Click here to register for fall kickball leagues. 

3. Bring business cards.S3Logo_080515

Digressing away from sports a bit, don’t forget business cards.

No, we’re not saying intramural sports are a great way to network for business (even though they are). Most of the time, business cards are much more useful for subtly giving your contact information to a special someone.

The whole “let me put my number in your phone” trick might have worked in college, but you’re in the big leagues now.

Unless you work at Staples.

Then maybe leave the business cards at home.

4. Show up. 

Forfeitures are the worst possible outcome in intramural sports.

Even if you’re on the winning team (who walks away with some free cheese and a cheap victory), you didn’t even get to play volleyball that night. And ultimately, that’s what you’re there for.

The moral of this commandment is pretty simple: if you’re going to sign up and participate in a league – you should actually, you know, participate.

Because that’s what life is all about, isn’t it? Participating? No?

Click here to register for beach volleyball leagues. 

5. Don’t skimp on your team’s dues. S3Kickball_080515

More times than not, it’s the team captain that fronts the money for a team’s entry fee.

While honorable, it’s not ideal. If you have a guy on your team who is nice enough to do that, don’t be the jack-off that doesn’t pay him despite being reminded every day for the last two weeks. Worst case scenario, your captain implements a pay-to-play policy and you’re stuck either sitting at home or watching from the sidelines.

Pay your rent, pay your taxes, but more importantly: pay for your intramural league entry fee.

6. Always remember to stretch.

This one should be obvious, but I’ve seen (experienced) way too many injuries caused from simply being out-of-shape.

Be smart, and do some light stretching before you compete for glory. There is nothing worse than pulling a hamstring in a casual game of skeeball and having to walk around like a wounded duck for the rest of the night.

The injury itself won’t hurt as bad as the agony you’ll suffer when your entire team is making fun of you.

Click here to register for single skeeball leagues.

7. No cargo shorts or jeans.

Pretty straightforward.

8. ‘Dad bods’ are always acceptable. 

By now, surely you’re aware of the ‘dad bod’ phenomenon. And there’s no place more welcoming to ‘dad bods’ than intramural sports.

This can’t be proven with facts or science, but there’s a good chance that the guy with a ‘dad bod’ will be the opposing team’s x-factor. He’s the guy that tore it up in high school, but sacrificed his health and athleticism when he went to college. Despite his rapid weight-gain and newfound double chin, he was widely considered the best wiffleball player on fraternity row.

In a nutshell, never underestimate the guy with a ‘dad bod.’

Click here to register for fall wiffleball leagues.

9. Don’t bitch at the umpire. 

No matter who you are, don’t let a botched call lead to five minutes of whining and bitching.

These umpires aren’t exactly making a fortune to officiate these games (are they getting payed?) so keep the vibes positive and respect their decision (even if their decision was the wrong one).

10. Win or lose, have a post-game celebration. 

If you win, there’s clearly a reason to go to the bar and celebrate.

If you lose, there’s still a reason to go to the bar.

Win or lose, having a good time is the foundation of S3. And while drinking in celebration is much better than drinking in defeat, the camaraderie and team chemistry will go a long way…especially when the playoffs come around.

Check out all of S3’s fall intramural leagues.