By now, you probably know that I love to gamble on college football and that I’m not too shabby at it. Saturday was basically a gambler’s paradise, as soft lines and head-scratching totals flooded the Las Vegas sports books like an unanticipated Texas rain.

At the risk of sounding like an asshole, I killed it. After going 0-4 on Thursday, I went 7-1 on Saturday and completely flipped the script on my book (and weekend). It was a righteous feeling, even though I suckered myself into betting on Penn State against Northwestern at 11 am.

Evanston in the morning: It’s a tale as old as time. A betting trap as old as rhyme.

In the grand scheme of things, College Football Week 10 means November College Football. That one month of the calendar when the college football schedule goes from ‘weekly occurrence’ to ‘American Gladiator gauntlet.’ The Aggro Crag of football, for you GUTS junkies out there.

So obsessive gambling addictions aside, I’m deciding to make this week’s Straight Shots an ode to the current Top 10 – considering we basically learned something new about every single team in it.


Good for Clemson and good for Dabo Swinney to finally shake that whole “Clemsoning” thing (shitting their pants at the worst time) that’s haunted them for years.

Though the first half against Florida State looked like another classic example of Clemson being Clemson, this is a damn good football team and it’s completely justified that they’re the No. 1 team in the land.

In fact, I think Clemson at No. 1 is the first time I’ve ever been in complete agreement with the rankings people/computers/committee’s pick for the team that gets to sport a little ‘1’ digit next to their name each week.


Alabama owns LSU like you own a cell phone. The Tide’s defense was so dominant you wouldn’t even find it in the raunchiest of porn movies.

Speaking of domination, Derrick Henry is an animal. How quickly the narrative shifted from Leonard Fournette as the Heisman front-runner and best-player-in-the-nation to Henry becoming that figure.

Damn. The Tigers’ defense (not too bad itself) had no chance.

Ohio State

The Buckeyes don’t look like a college football playoff team as I sit here and write about this right now, but it stands to believe that after tomorrow’s rankings release they’ll be the No. 2 team in the country.

They’re not the second best team in the country.

Also, Cardale Jones has fallen further from grace than the devil did when he betrayed Jesus. That being said, JT Barrett shouldn’t be starting. He is underage, drank alcohol and got behind the wheel of a car. As a student-athlete, the first part is dumb (though not uncommon or unaccepted socially). The latter is grounds to lose your starting job and be suspended for more than one game.

I just hope they get their shit waxed by either one of the Michigan schools.


This is the best team in the country. I have trouble trying to find a team who can hang more than 20 on this defense right now, or one who could stop Henry.

Yes, I said I agree with Clemson being No. 1, because their resume deserves it. But Alabama would beat Clemson rather handily on a neutral field.

Good thing we have a playoff system that allows those types of things now.

Notre Dame

This team is good. I hate admitting it because I hate Notre Dame, Brian Kelly and most notably Irish fans – but I’ll be damned if this isn’t one of the four best teams in the country.

Their only loss is to the No. 1 team in the country, on the road, in a monsoon. And they easily could have won.

If there was ever a time where I would be down with a recent National Championship rematch, it’s the Golden Domers and the Tide from 2013.


This freshman quarterback Jarrett Stidham is good, but their 31-24 win against very mediocre Kansas State shows that beating teams on the remainder of their schedule is no longer going to be cake and watermelon.

The Bears’ offense is still going to put up points, and the defense is still going to give them up. But I’ll be supremely surprised if Baylor gets through Texas, Oklahoma State, TCU, and Oklahoma unscathed.

Time to cue Ellie Goulding’s jam ‘Anything Can Happen’ in the locker room if you’re Art Briles.

Michigan State

Michigan State got completely hosed Saturday. No way around it. A ghost ‘force out of bounds’ call, are you kidding me?

And once again, a horrible refereeing decision costs a ranked team the win or chance to win. I still don’t understand how after review they can’t make the correct call. What the fuck is replay review for then?

You really have to feel for the Spartans and their hopes of finding pay dirt in the college football playoff, especially because they narrowly missed last year.


Quietly, Stanford might be the third best team in the country and if not for the nap they took in Evanston in Week 1, they’d be in the playoff top four right now. Nonetheless, this is the team outside of Notre Dame I really want to play Alabama in the National Championship game.

Cardinal running back Christian McCaffery (Ed’s son) is the gym rat of all gym rats and I feel like he would somehow Tim Tebow the shit out Alabama’s defense.


TCU is currently going through concussion protocol because of the brick wall they ran into called the Oklahoma State Cowboys. With games against Baylor and a trip to Oklahoma, the Horned Frogs have an uphill battle for a New Year’s Six bid.


Still undefeated and I still don’t give a damn. I gave them love once already this season so I am fully exercising my rights to freely talk shit about them.

They can basically play Chutes and Ladders to the Big Ten title game at this point, where they’ll get housed by whoever they play in Indianapolis.


Florida is the best team in the country. Find me another team that can show the type of resiliency against a powerhouse like Vanderbilt at home and still come out on top late in the fourth quarter.

Find me another kicker who can make that field goal.

Oh, wait.