Based on noteworthy matchups alone, this might have been the most boring week in college football history.

Seriously, No. 15 Texas A&M at No. 24 Ole Miss was the only meeting between Top 25 teams – and College GameDay was at James Madison University.

It wasn’t the anticipatory Saturday I’m used to.

Let’s just say I had to do a little more digging than usual for today’s talking points. Unlike most weeks of college football, they weren’t exactly served to me on a silver platter. This unfortunate reality also meant I couldn’t get as blasted as I usually do on CFS (college football Saturdays) so that I could observe with a keener eye.

After all, with the calendar shifting from October to November – each Saturday is getting more and more important.

It’s time to party like I’m Tom Rinaldi.

USC Was The Easiest Bet Of A Lifetime 

When Week 8’s lines opened up on Monday morning, the only thing that immediately popped out was the spread between No. 3 Utah and USC. Despite the fact they were a spiraling mess without a head coach playing the country’s third-ranked team, the Trojans opened up as 3.5-point favorites.

Which gave us a free lesson in not being a betting square.

Not only was USC the home team in a conference game, they are also the more talented team. So it shouldn’t have come as much of a surprise that the Trojans were Vegas favorites.

But to some, that’s a concept they simply can’t grasp. They see the little No. 3 next to Utah and can’t turn down what some mainstream media are calling the country’s best team ‘getting points.’


And thus here’s your second lesson of the day: The mainstream media usually doesn’t know shit about gambling.

Listen to me (or Vegas) instead.

Every so often, Vegas all but tells you that a line is a lock – and that’s exactly what happened when they set USC as the favorite.

Nobody Is Struggling Like Kyle Allen Is Struggling

Let’s get back to that primetime Top 25 showdown in the SEC West I mentioned earlier. Ole Miss won fairly easily, and A&M is now bounced from the Top 25 after back to back losses — both of which are directly because of their starting quarterback.

Kyle Allen was downright awful – going 12-34 for 88 yards and an interception. This middle school stat line comes one week after going 20-40 for 263 yards, one touchdown and three interceptions (all three returned for TDs) vs. Alabama.

Allen’s brutal stretch makes you wonder why freshman speedster Kyler Murray can’t get in the game. Allen was struggling, and Murray is a spark-plug player who can ignite an offense with his mobility.

Either way, Allen was eventually replaced in the 4th quarter by third-stringer Jake Hubenak – which is basically the biggest insult a starting quarterback can take.

At least your parents are super rich.

Special Teams Are Apparently Very Difficult 

Last week it was Michigan State. Watch that again right here.

This week, the kick monster got its paws on another one, as Georgia Tech pulled off an equally improbable win at home against No. 9 Florida State.

A couple of things make this play truly remarkable. First, it looked eerily similar to the Iron Bowl a few years ago wherein it came off a field goal miss (albeit a block) and how the Georgia Tech player ran the ball back as time expired.

Secondly, and this isn’t something I realized until I after stopped celebrating (I had Georgia Tech money line, praise be): Florida State kicker Roberto Aguayo is the best in the country and has earned himself a job on Sundays.

That ball was going in no matter what if it wasn’t blocked. Who cares if it was from 56 yards. It needed to be blocked if the Yellow Jackets wanted OT or the win.

Mark Jones’s crackling voice belting out a “What a time to be alive!” after Lance Austin crosses the goal line was the icing on the cake. Man, Drake is fucking everywhere.

And Florida State is in trouble.

Clemson Is Going To Embarrass The Seminoles 

I’m sorry, but FSU QB Everett Golson is not good. Brian Kelly made him good. I’ve said that about Golson before, but the ‘Noles have scored less than 30 points in four of their five conference games.

Let me remind you they play in the ACC. That’s a basketball conference.

The Clemson Tigers are going to rout Florida State next Saturday. Like, make them wish they were never born. This, of course, is coming off Clemson’s complete dismantling of everything the University of Miami has ever represented.

You could say they gave Al Golden’s Hurricanes a hurricane-like golden shower. I’m not sure Clemson beats Florida State 56-0 like they did Miami, but I’m pretty sure Clemson beats Florida State like 55-0.

Speaking of the Hurricanes..

Rich Rodriguez Should Have Never Left West Virginia

I know that was like six years ago, but look how far this dude has fallen into obscurity after leaving the cozy little gig he had in Morgantown. He was as successful at Michigan as they currently are at punting, and his time at Arizona is starting to appear more mediocre than “building something.”

Rodriguez can recruit and he’s not a bad football coach. Arizona isn’t the best place for him, though.

You know where is?

Coral Gables, FL.

Other Interesting/Absurd Nuggets

-Basketball season can’t come soon enough in Bloomington, Indiana. The Hoosiers have now been outscored 70-10 in the 4th quarter during the four-game losing streak they’re currently on. The saddest part is two of those games were against Rutgers and Penn State—whom are only scoring 30 and 24 points per game respectively on the season.

-Mark Mangino was fired as Iowa State’s offensive coordinator after the Cyclones’ 45-27 loss against Baylor on Saturday. The 27 points was the second-highest point total of the season for Iowa State. I’m sure Mangino ate it up just fine.

This is so Iowa State it’s hilarious.

-The Missouri Tigers are now ranked 127 out of 128 qualified schools in total offense with 14.9 points per game. I don’t want to say this Missouri offense is the worst offense in the history of college football, but for my sake and well-being I hope it is. I would like to win something this year, and perhaps that would curb my drinking problem.