When I was five, I told my entire family that Michael Jordan showed up at my friend’s birthday party.

That’s pretty much what happened at Dancing Astronaut this morning. But instead of telling my entire family that Michael Jordan showed up at a five-year-old’s birthday party, Dancing Astronaut just tried telling everybody that Daft Punk was substituting for LCD Soundsystem at Coachella.

While April Fools Day is turning out to be another year of suckfest in 2016, Dancing Astronaut just took it to an uncomfortable level.

“Whether or not Murphy’s health will allow LCD Soundsystem to resume their tour for upcoming shows at Red Rocks, FYF, Lollapalooza, and Panorama remains to be seen.”

That’s correct.

Dancing Astronaut made up this story.

One that involves two of the biggest names in music over the last 10 years, as well as a tasteless joke that James Murphy had fallen victim to health problems (which is the reason LCD Soundsystem “cannot” play at Coachella). And in even less believable fashion, Dancing Astronaut also claims that Daft Punk came over to Murphy’s house after discovering the news (in a cheesy reference to the LCD song “Daft Punk Is Playing At My House” no less).

“Murphy spoke with Dancing Astronaut regarding the circumstances surrounding Daft Punk’s decision to fill in for his band. “When I told Thomas and Guy that doctors had ordered me to stay in bed, they offered to come over and keep my spirits high,” Murphy told Dancing Astronaut. “As much as I enjoy when Daft Punk play at my house, I told them I’d be much happier knowing that the kids of Indio are getting a show that’s on par with LCD. So they agreed to take my spot.”

APRIL FOOLS DAY SUCKS DICK.

It’s the reason I can’t tell the difference between this post and the news on LA Weekly about LCD Soundsystem breaking up after Coachella. Especially for online publications, April 1st is a funnel of suck and shitty P.R. campaigns.

“Though LCD’s inaugural reunion show was extremely successful, Murphy has experienced severe exhaustion. Murphy, 46, reportedly collapsed during a rehearsal on March 29, following the band’s second NYC performance…

While news of Murphy’s well being is alarming, and LCD’s absence from Coachella is disappointing, this crisis has proven to yield a silver lining. Murphy has announced that Daft Punk will be playing in lieu of the scheduled act.

Though the return of the Pyramid results from unfortunate circumstances, Coachella ticket holders can revel in the fact that the longstanding fantasy has become a reality. Murphy spoke with Dancing Astronaut regarding the circumstances surrounding Daft Punk’s decision to fill in for his band. “When I told Thomas and Guy that doctors had ordered me to stay in bed, they offered to come over and keep my spirits high,” Murphy told Dancing Astronaut. “As much as I enjoy when Daft Punk play at my house, I told them I’d be much happier knowing that the kids of Indio are getting a show that’s on par with LCD. So they agreed to take my spot.”

Whatever inspired Dancing Astronaut to put this false report up on their site is as overwhelming as it is disappointing for fans of both bands. But for the love of God, please stop sacrificing journalistic integrity for some stupid, made-up holiday.

Peace.