Some things make me throw up.
Cauliflower, maggots, conservatives and Four Loko.
In case you’re not familiar, Four Loko is essentially a combination of beer and extremely generic Red Bull.
I went to the University of Missouri, and it seemed like everybody and their pledge mother was drinking the stuff during its rise to infamy.
Their products have been the object of legal, ethical, and health concerns over the years, particularly because the company marketed its product as “alcohol and caffeine.” And although this mixture is clearly harmful to your body, college students all over the US still could not get enough Four Loko in their bloodstream.
Well, college alumni, prepare for your return to glory. According to this sponsored Instagram, they are releasing “Four Loko Shots” (otherwise known as their line of hard liquor).
ANNOUNCEMENT: “Four Loko now comes in Cinnamon, Apple Pie, and Lemon Drop Distilled Spirits! Select bars around Chicago will be pouring this smooth new shot! Best served cold, our Four Loko Spirits are loved bartenders and drinkers alike. Keep an eye out for it near you!”
After it was originally banned in several states, a product reintroduction in December 2010 removed caffeine, taurine and guarana as ingredients and no longer marketed the malted beverage as an energy drink.
Subsequently, people no longer bought it.
As the brand itself said, “Life is all about finding the right balance.” But as I’ve learned from experience, life is also about being healthy, going to bed before 6 am and attending your grandma’s 79th birthday party without vomiting in the fireplace.
So, if you decide to drink Four Loko Shots this weekend, just remember the potential consequences.
And may God have mercy on your soul.