In case you still weren’t sure – yes, the Jeff Bridges sleep tapes advertised during the Super Bowl are totally real.
And yes, they’re exactly what you’d expect.
Done via Squarespace with proceeds going to ‘No Kid Hungry’, the Dreaming With Jeff sleep tapes are as much an amazing advertising move for Squarespace and the charity as they are an opportunity for Jeff Bridges to be as Jeff Bridges as possible.
While it’s unclear whether he influenced his iconic Big Lebowski character ‘The Dude’ or The Dude inspired him, either way they’re pretty much one and the same. And when the real-life equivalent of The Dude makes sleeping tapes, one does not simply not listen to them.
So I went for it. And it was an experience.
To my surprise, even the most unsettling tracks pretty much did the job. They were intended to be relaxing, and the brain abides. After letting Jeff Bridges serve as my spirit guide through a very strange and ethereal forty minutes, here’s my take on the tapes (categorized by the chillest, trippiest, and most comparably normal tracks).
So sit back, relax, and shut the fuck up, Donny – we’re trying to sleep, man.
The Chill Tracks
11: The Sea
By far the most relaxing track. It’s soothing, poetic, and nature-y words sung against the sound of lapping, calm waves paint the picture of a lake house. It gets a little weird when Jeff Bridges talks about you kissing him.
But hey, after 11 tracks I think we’re at that point in our relationship with Jeff Bridge.
12: Temescal Canyon
Jeff goes full-out nature spirit guide in this one.
I saw that it was 11 minutes and groaned, but this Wanderlusty soul actually wishes it was longer. Not to sound like a Stefon bit from SNL, but this track has everything: nature sounds, hiking with your new bff Jeff Bridges, and finding Spanish doubloons by a stream.
3: Chimes For Dreams
Jeff Bridges isn’t even in this one – it’s just a quintessential relaxation track that says “shhhh, it’s cool, man” through general sounds of tranquility that will float you right into REM.
13: Feeling Good
This is like when you picture stereotypical “you are enough and you do matter, you winner you” self-help tapes. And there’s something very genuine about Jeff Bridges basically saying “you is kind, you is smart, you is important.”
Although considering he says, “you have excellent insights about popular movies” this could be my ego talking.
Either way, you do walk away (or fall asleep) feeling pretty damn good about yourself.
7: A Glass Of Water
I think Jeff Bridges is the only person who can make a description of having to pee after drinking water before bed something worthy of a replay.
Or maybe, it’s just the coincidental throwback to The Big Lebowski when he says, “on the way to the toilet you’re noticing the patterns on the rug, it can be a good experience.”
(Unless your rug gets stolen of course.)
5: Goodmorning, Sweetheart
At first it sounds like Jeff is calling you sweetheart, so there’s a brief moment of betrayal when it turns out he’s talking to his wife. But even though Jeff Bridges bringing his wife into bed with you is a little awkward at first, she gets into it and does some humming of her own.
You know what they say: the couple that hums together makes sleeping tapes together.
If you didn’t think the sound of someone flushing a toilet could be calming, then you clearly haven’t heard Jeff Bridges flushing a toilet and talking about it.
The Trippy Tracks (you’ve been warned)
2: Sleep, Dream, Wake Up
With Jeff Bridges’ voice repeating ‘sleep-dream-waking up’ in a kind of increasingly demonic way (against what sounds like the depths of space), this is what I imagine being a schizophrenic person who only hears Jeff Bridges’ voice sounds like.
9: The Hen
The actual story he tells here – involving a guy who really likes silly putty – is kind of cool. But then you get kicked straight back into Willy Wonka’s tunnel of terror, and now there’s an unmanned trumpet magically playing while floating around your head.
It’s unsettling, but you cant help but listen.
I literally couldn’t picture anything else besides some ethereal alien version of Jeff Bridges with six eyes and three faces, which might say more about me than the tapes.
Jeff talks about how when he dies, he wants his remains to circle the planet (believable) and send out a light whenever they pass somewhere memorable – including Ikea. Which makes sense, because we all remember our first time at Ikea.
It was life-changing.
8: The Raven
This one would be a lot weirder if it wasn’t so damn poetic. It’s like a countryside re-telling of The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe.
And if you find rainstorms soothing, then Jeff has you covered.
14: Seeing With My Eyes Closed
Pretty sure this was supposed to be a narration on how to make pot brownies and Jeff got a little carried away with trying out the product.
This is another trip into space with Jeff Bridges, and he even talks about space in it. Weird, but oddly soothing and existential.
You have to get used to a hippie whispering sweet nothings in your ear as you drift off, but you’re on board as soon as he says “I hope these tapes inspire you to do some cool sleeping, some cool dreaming, some cool waking up.”
This is exactly what you’d expect it would be from the Super Bowl ad.
Jeff gives a wise bearded-forest-man anecdote about how humming relaxes him before humming. Hm.
6: See You At The Dreaming Tree
So, this whole track is the sound of kids playing and Jeff chilling with them. But you don’t need to be a parent to know that the sound of children isn’t exactly relaxing.
And sometimes, it’s freaking creepy.
After further review, the Jeff Bridges sleep tapes are worth checking out. They do work, and it’s not everyday you can listen to The Dude recording sleep tapes on his cassette player while sprawled out across his rug with a half-finished white Russian in-hand.
At least that’s what I imagined.
(Featured photo courtesy of outrageousrugs.com)