By now, you’ve probably seen Kim Kardashian on the cover of Paper. And by Kim Kardashian, we mean all of Kim Kardashian.
In the photo where she’s not exposing all of her “assets” – she’s covered in (what I can only assume is) liquid asphalt, which gave us a mysterious case of déjà vu.
And then it hit us. Her cover photo (the one she’s not naked in) totally looks like the promotional posters from Season 1 of American Horror Story.
More specifically, her cover photo looks like what would happen if Scary Movie decided to spoof American Horror Story. Which of course, is fantastic (and probably the best part about all of this).
Maybe we’re just weird. But now, we have an actual tangible reason to think this internet-breaker is funny.
And just in case you need us to be your imagination:
But for all the backlash Kim Kardashian has gotten for this cover, let’s be real for a second.
Now, we’re not going to say the obvious punch-line here is that the Kardashians are America’s real horror story. We’re not going to say that Kim Kardashian is a dumb and annoying cultural phenomenon, or that we hate ourselves a little for taking time out of our days and from doing actual real things with our lives (unlike her) to talk about it.
We’re not going to say something like she’s ‘phake’ which is ‘photoshop-fake’ which we “totally made up as our newest version of ‘fetch.'”
Nah, we wouldn’t say any of that.
We’re going to talk about how Kim Kardashian has a lot of talent that should really be recognized.
Let’s take the above magazine cover for “Paper.” There are four different versions, three of which she’s fully naked.
Guys. Think of how much bravery that takes. I mean, what female celebrity has ever flashed their lady parts for media attention? This is an absolutely revolutionary business move, not to mention the internet says the photos are untouched…so it must be true.
Besides, what magazine would dare use Photoshop to change their pictures when all celebrities are just biologically flawless?
I mean, was Photoshop used to make champagne fall directly into the glass that Kim is so gracefully balancing on her ass-crack?
Obviously not. If her balancing the glass was real – as evidenced by the reliable source of Twitter – then it’s obvious that this wasn’t a Photoshopped picture…it’s just sheer talent.
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) November 12, 2014
Speaking of Kim on Twitter, Kim Kardashian has more talent squeezed into 140 characters than most of us on this earth, using unique and creative phrases like “I CAN’T EVEN”, “OMGGG GGGG GG” and utilizing a little-known media device called emojis.
Her use of cutting edge, brand-new social media outlets like the aforementioned “Twitter” along with “Instagram” shows that she is an ambitious trend-setter. I mean, regular everyday people don’t have enough time or expertise to master using these social media outlets and Facebook at the same time. That’s gotta be exhausting.
She’s been featured on prestigious news sources like TMZ and PerezHilton for her reality TV presence. And if you need further proof, just look at all of the credentials listed on her Wikipedia page.
They list her as a ‘Reality TV Star’ – something that not just anyone, like say a pregnant teen (or people from New Jersey who drink and do laundry), can just do.
So, Wayans Bros., wherever you are. Please take note, and please create a Scary Movie TV-series spoofing the real American Horror Story. Let’s add to Kim’s already impressive resume and give her a chance to redeem her acting career from the catastrophic Disaster Movie.
Be real with yourself, Wayans brothers, Kim Kardashian isn’t not talented. If anything, she’s inspiring.
Because if she can take her clothes off and balance a champagne glass with her ass muscle, anybody can.