Scroll to bottom for updates.

Today is Wednesday, October 7th.

This means that only seven days have passed this month. However, that only makes the following statistic even more eye opening.

In the month of October (again, just seven total days), Men’s Health Magazine has tweeted content about sexual intercourse over 35 times.

For all of you mathletes out there, that’s an average of about 5.5 times per day. But then again, I guess I should have seen this coming when the publication branded themselves as a trio of “Fitness, Sex, and Style.”

Now, I’m not here to dog on Men’s Health. Or sex for that matter. I mean come on, sex is great from what I’ve heard. But still, that doesn’t change the fact that I’m sick of reading about the “7 Things You Can Do To Hide A Boner.”

Seriously, does the average reader of Men’s Health Magazine essentially just cook gluten-free food and try out new sex positions all day? According to my Twitter feed, that’s exactly the case.

Sex sells, we get it. But given the number of times this publication has begun posting about sex on a daily basis, the campaign is borderline encouraging people to develop a sexual addiction.

First, they hook you with photos that border the line between straight-up pornography and a Victoria Secret’s catalogue. Then, they drag you down with articles that sadly relate to you.

Men’s Health Magazine is supposed to be your ultimate guide to fitness, health, weight loss, nutrition, sex, style and guy wisdom. Yet lately, their topicality has become more and more focused on the birds and the bees.

For example, here is a list of some of their recent posts:

The Best Things to Say before, during, and after Sex
3 Guys Tell You What It’s Like to Have a Huge Penis
4 Women-Approved Secrets About Breasts
5 Scary Things That Happen to Your Penis When You Age
The 4 Most Dangerous Sex Position
Can You Masturbate Too Much?

On top of that, some of this advice is useless. After all, if you’re a grown man and still don’t how to show love to a woman, there’s a good chance you have major issues outside of your current relationship. Figure those out first. Screen Shot 2015-10-06 at 5.04.55 PM

Then, there’s this question, which was seemingly proposed by a horny third grader attending his first sexual education class.

Screen Shot 2015-10-06 at 5.06.36 PM

Things haven’t gotten so bad that @MensHealthMag is even starting to sound like a God damn erectile dysfunction commercial.

Screen Shot 2015-10-06 at 5.07.02 PM

Worst of all, they’re trying to tell me that when you get older, your penis becomes a banana.

Screen Shot 2015-10-06 at 4.49.13 PM

In the screenshot above, Men’s Health Mag didn’t even bother spacing their posts out. In even more ironic timing, all of these were tweeted last night between the hours of 10 p.m. and midnight. I’ll let you connect the dots on that one…

I’m not telling you to stop reading Men’s Health, nor am I not telling you to stop educating yourself on sex. But that said, I am pointing out a trend.

And if this trend continues, Men’s Health Magazine is quickly going to become the Elite Daily of sex.

Yeah, I went there.

UPDATE: 10/20/15, 1:02 pm 

Today is Tuesday, October 20th.

Just when we thought Men’s Health Magazine had hit rock bottom with their aforementioned addiction to creating more sex addicts, things got even worse. While spectacting a brutal outing for my fantasy football team on Sunday, I came across this promoted tweet:

mens-health

Wait a minute, that’s not a tweet for Men’s Health Magazine!

 

I wish this was a joke, instead it’s another blatant example of our media industry’s dedication to clickbait.

jj-watt

The author, Richard Mason, continues on as if this “investigation” is believable to anyone older than a third-grader.

Combining these two supplements is allowing them to pack on muscle, melt away body fat, and get ripped in record timing! Sound too good to be true? We thought so too, which is why we investigated both products and made this special report to bring you the truth behind Hollywood’s wonder-pills.

No Richard, this doesn’t sound too good to be true.

You know what does sound too good to be true? If your editor decided to conduct an actual exposé on the unhealthy usage of supplements in professional sports. Maybe then you guys wouldn’t have to post about sex 35 times a week, but what do I know?

Moving on with the investigation…

The primary product we’re talking about is Pro Muscle. You may have heard about it in the news or on TV as the completely safe and powerful “secret” used by celebrities and athletes around the world. Today, we are leaking their secret and teaching you how to get muscular and ripped bodies for free. In this special report, you’ll learn about this primary product and a secondary advanced fat burning product, which taken together allows your body to transform fat into muscle, these products are, Pro Muscle and 100% Shredded.

Then, as if they have no remorse for labeling an advertisement as an investigation, they offer an exclusive offer for Men’s Health readers only.

Screen Shot 2015-10-20 at 11.36.10 AM

Hopefully, we won’t need to update this post anymore. But from the looks of it, that probably won’t be the case.