In light of his upcoming movie, A Walk In The Woods, actor, woodworker and writer Nick Offerman took to the Reddit AMA sub-channel to alert his fans of his well-being as well as shine light on the personal life of a living legend, Ron Swanson.
Offerman finds time to this round to talk about everything from encounters with fans on airplanes, his ideal role in a Coen Brother’s film, and just how good his goddess wife Megan Mullaly tastes.
Ensure that you’re not reading this one in the library because you will disrupt other people from aggressive laughing.
Nick Offerman gently tickles fellow dipshits. AMA
Vallie24: Hi! I was wondering what your favorite beverage is, besides whiskey?
Nick Offerman: Beer.
NedStarkyStark: If you could carve any item out of wood, what would it be?
Nick Offerman: A mighty Cleric’s stave, intricately inlaid with enough runes and magicks to ward off any Shambling Mound. A staff worthy of a Tolkien wizard, hewn of Scottish Bog Oak, to withstand the many cudgelings I would ask it to deliver.
Timothay: Will you be playing Chris Pratt’s dad in Guardians of the Galaxy 2?
Nick Offerman: No Comment
Nathanb7677: Which out of all the episodes of Parks and Rec was the hardest line NOT to laugh at?
Nick Offerman: The line that springs to mind was in the final season, and it came, of course, from the mouth of Chris Pratt. That beautiful mouth. He was scripted to say “Vladimir Putin”, but he chose to mispronounce the name, Andy Dwyer-style, and the five of us on camera simply could not keep our shit together. Every take he chose a different mangling of the name, and it was so goddamn fun and funny. I believe it can be found on the computer web or in the gag reel from Season 7.
Lionla: What’s your favorite flavor of pie? And do you like your pie with ice cream?
Nick Offerman: I AM CRAZY FOR PIE. WITH ICE CREAM? SURE. IT’S FUCKING ICE CREAM. 1) Blueberry 2) Cherry 2) Pecan 3) Key Lime
Neurocentricx: First off, love you and your wife individually, first when I watched her on Will and Grace, and then you on Parks and Rec (and of course, seeing you and her interact as Ron and Tammy 2). Your Netflix special reduced my boyfriend and I to laughter-induced tears.
My question: what was it like when you had your small role on Will and Grace? Were you and Megan together at this point? Your chemistry even then was undeniable.
Nick Offerman: Thank you for acknowledging the overpowering love-musk of our union. When we couple, luscious lilies and tuberoses unfurl their labial blossoms in the swampy sloughs of the Loire region. Working on W&G was incredibly exciting and daunting, as we had been dating for only a few mere months, and I had not worked on a “multi-cam” show in front of a live audience. The rest of the cast and the legendary director Jimmy Burroughs moved with the precision and swiftness of an NBA team, so it was like jumping on to a full-speed comedy train while carrying a heavy toolbox. Fortunately, I knew that if I got my bits right, I would get to kiss Karen Walker more than once at the end of the ride, so I just held on for dear life.
Fangerooooo: Is there a director/actor that you dream of working with?
Nick Offerman: I am very lucky to have had the work I’ve assayed thus far, which has been far beyond my wildest dreams. If I were to dream beyond this great beyond, I would be very grateful to play with The Coens, Nicole Holofcener, Alexander Payne, Stanley Kubrick (35 years ago), Jill Soloway, Rick Linklater, JIM JARMUSCH, Steve McQueen, for example. However I often find there to be great delight in working with talents that are yet unknown to the world at large, as therein lies the best hope for the surprises of a unique vision.
Steffinily: Hi Nick! I’m very excited to have this opportunity!
What’s a day in the life of Nick and Megan’s life like? Do you guys have any silly traditions?
Thanks for doing this! Best wishes to you both!
Nick Offerman: Contrary to popular belief, Megan and I are just two normal, sandwich-eating Americans. We get up in the morning, slather ourselves in a fresh Oat pudding and rub our bodies together until we have both ejaculated a stream of ecstasy that turns our love-tub into a warm goulash of effluvia and passion. Stepping into the yard, shivering in our naked delight, Megan daintily taps upon the bark of our Ent, who releases one drop of dew from one leaf, impossibly high upon its upper branches. This elephantine droplet plummets from such great heights and splashes us clean, filling our noses and other orifices with an elvish, lavender magic as we skip about our several closets, giggling and tickling one another. The squirrels are really funny during this recess, and there’s a shitload of LOLing taking place. As the closet faeries weave the day’s raiments about our quivering flesh, we settle into our Offerman Woodshop chairs and check our emails, like anybody. Pretty boring.
JustSomeBS: I appreciate you and everything you do, but how’s your wife? What’s she up to? I miss seeing her on TV!
Nick Offerman: I am supremely titillated to report that Megan is amazing on a new show coming to the UK in a month, and to NBC next year, called YOU, ME, AND THE APOCALYPSE. She is the funniest thing in a very funny show, but it’s also high-stakes, and I am getting a boner, please excuse me whilst I step back out into the Ent-shower.
iLuvStarWars: Approximately how much bacon is too much bacon?
Nick Offerman: This question is nonsense.
Priss_Dimmie: I sat next to you on a plane from Chicago to LA last year, and as we took off, you turned to me and said “Don’t speak to me”. This is before I even knew who you were…
_guess_thats_cool: Do you have Aziz’s number? Can I have Aziz’s number?
Nick Offerman: At last report, I believe his number was “1”. You are welcome to it.
Nick! I’m a huge fan of you and your amazing facial hair.
Anyways, do you like Texas? More specifically, what do you like the most about Texas?
Nick Offerman: Texas is an amazing state. It is vast and varied in its terrain, and it boasts some of the most mouth-jizzing BBQ across which I have come in my planet-wide search for pork ribs and brisket. Austin also lives in Texas, and that fetching burgh is like the free-thinking atmosphere of Madison, Wisconsin set amongst the refreshing oasis of Barton Springs. Willie Nelson and Austin City Limits are in Texas. So are my friends, the filmmakers Robert Byington and Laura Dunn. The Gourds, for crying’ out loud. Also, politically, Texas does a great job of letting the country know how not to behave. There is an annual beard-growing contest in Shamrock, Texas. All in all, count me in.
allkindanuts: Who would you like to play in a Coen brothers movie?
Nick Offerman: A speaking role would be best.
unabasheddepression: Is masterbation a sin in your eyes, Mr. Offerman?
Nick Offerman: Masturbation is a perfectly natural occurrence. To suggest it is a sin is actually the more criminal act. Christopher Hitchens does a fantastic job of unpacking this and every other injustice with which religion has raped our civilization. Denying same-sex couples common human rights, for example, is a sin. Masturbation is a gift.
What’s it like being Megan Mullaly’s Husband? And does she ever do Karen’s voice to fuck with you?
Nick Offerman: Being the husband of the goddess Megan Mullally is the single greatest fate that could befall a human being who is into vaginas. To answer your second question – Yes, but you accidentally included a “with” that doesn’t belong.
Dropitlolo: What is your favorite meal, sir?
Nick Offerman: Megan Mullally
what’s your favourite cheese?
1) Gruyere 2) Wisconsin Cheddar 3) Wisconsin curds 4) Cave Aged Gouda 5) Dubliner 6) Estero Gold
Wisconsin love from Nick. Follow up: what is your favorite football team and when did you realize it was the Green Bay Packers?
NickOfferman: Let’s not be silly.
Nick! You make me tingle in the panties. I know you’re happily married to an incredible woman, but if I could cook you one epic meal to perhaps persuade you into my tingling undies… What could I cook for you? Perhaps food is not the way to your heart. But I bet it is.
Nick Offerman: Your open suggestion of infidelity is unseemly. Fidelity is the repast I suggest you bake into your own practice.
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Nick, you’re the man. Here’s my question:
In your opinion, what are a few activities that are never a waste of time?
Reading the books of Bill Bryson.
Seeing the films of Robert Redford and Nick Nolte.
Hiking a Trail, like the Appalachian for example.
Admiring the work of Kristen Schall.
Swooning over a magnificent beard on an REI employee. Combining all these by seeing the new film of A WALK IN THE WOODS, opening today. It’s a beautiful gas.