Nothing says “you’re doing your job” like getting a glitter bomb in the mail.
And as if getting sent glitter in an envelope isn’t bad enough, the person who sent this letter to our office this morning didn’t even proofread it.
Seriously, who spends time and money sending a glitter bomb if they’re not even going to proofread their profanity-laced tirade.
What is this…amateur hour? What a bunch of invalids.
Regardless of the grammatical errors, we found this letter hilarious. And awesome. And, very topical.
Here’s what this very pissed-off person had to say to our beloved video director, Chad:
“Dear Terrible Human Being,
Congratulations – you’ve pissed someone off so much that they went out of their way to pay me to send you the worst thing you can ever receive in an envelope: mother fucking glitter. Some poor idiot works 8 hours a day, 5 days a week to support themselves and you’ve been that much of an asshole that they paid me to send this to you.
It must be a great honor receiving this letter to inform you that your douchebaggery has not gone unnoticed. Your trophy has come in the form of craft herpes, it’s support of recognition for the way you waste precious air and people’s valuable time since now we are going to take a little of yours.
Obviously, you are a terrible, horrible person and this is just a little payback, don’t take it personally, or do, whatever we don’t care.
If you’re at work I hope that the glitter got all over your desk and that your co-workers now start questioning why the office idiot is spreading glitter everywhere.
If you’re at home opening mail I really hope that you spilt this shit everywhere. And you know what? For the next few weeks glitter is going to haunt you.
Have a nice day!”
Although a few commas got lost in the glitter, we are happy to announce that glitter did not get all over our office…or desk…or Chad himself. We’re grateful for that because this place would have been miserable had it did.
Here’s a note for the guys at ShipYourEnemiesGlitter.com – you can feel the glitter in the envelope when you get it. Aside from a very smart and funny (and overpriced) business strategy, the actual product they deliver is pretty crappy.
All of the glitter just sits at the bottom of the envelope. Whether you think it’s glitter, or you think somebody took a shit in an envelope and sent it to you – this envelope screams Anthrax once you receive it.
In summary, it didn’t really fool anybody. And, the letter had typos.
According to the douchebags at ShipYourEnemiesGlitter.com,
“We fucking hate glitter. People call it the herpes of the craft world. What we hate more though are the soulless people who get their jollies off by sending glitter in envelopes.
We’ve had enough so here’s the deal: there’s someone in your life right now who you fucking hate. Whether it be your shitty neighbour, a family member or that bitch Amy down the road who thinks it’s cool to invite you to High Tea but not provide any weed.
So pay us money, provide an address anywhere in the world & we’ll send them so much glitter in an envelope that they’ll be finding that shit everywhere for weeks. We’ll also include a note telling the person exactly why they’re receiving this terrible gift. Hint: the glitter will be mixed in with the note thus increasing maximum spillage.”