Everybody loves soup. If somebody says they don’t, they’re saying it because they love soup but don’t want to look like an old fart. We’re all old farts, so get over it and eat your soup.
Broth, cream, bisque, stew; you name it & I will eat it. With a spoon, a fork, a knife or anything that has the ability to lift what’s in the bowl into my mouth over and over until either my face hits the table or the table hits my face.
Mush it, meat it, chunk it or beat it. I will eat it if you serve it so don’t be a soup nazi and give me those warm chunks of meat and veggie liquids because DADDY IS HUNGRY.
Speaking of Soup Nazi:
Anyways, on to the most important collections of rankings you are ever going to see in your worthless soup-less lives.
2015 Soup Power Rankings
18) Chicken Noodle
The most basic soup of them all. Particularly particular and staunchly pathetic. Also, super dope when you’re sick.
17) Cream Of Chicken With Wild Rice
The go-to at any local breakfast/lunch spot. A crowd favorite at most old person homes. But what exactly is the difference between wild rice and captive rice?
16) Split Pea
It’s just so much fun to say. It had to make the list even if it’s not even that good.
Reminds me of mama fajooli’s.
14) Italian Wedding
Reminds me of papa fajoolis.
13) Corn Chowder
One of my personal favorites. Chowder is heavenly, and with the corn and potatoes it’s pretty healthy, too. Or you can just tell yourself that and call it a day.
12) Clam Chowder
Had some for lunch today but if you’re not eating it in the Northeastern parts of this fine country you’re not truly living.
11) Lobster Bisque
This one is a delicacy. Don’t try it unless you buy it. Seriously.
10) French Onion
Nothing French about it. Thicker than mama fajooli’s thighs. Also, there is no in between here, it’s either really good or really fucking bad.
9) Hot N’ Sour
It’s that Chinese soup you get as an appetizer at Chinese restaurants but then don’t eat it because you have no idea what it is.
I always thought Gazpacho was a type of nut.
More of a lifestyle than a soup. I would back a gumbo god if he/she existed.
Fuck Miso Soup. Look at her sitting there all miso with her tofu.
It’s pronounced PHØ. Also extremely basic.
4) Broccoli Cheddar
Broccoli Cheddar makes broccoli, not broccoli. For 15 years it was the only way I would consume the green stuff.
3) Tortilla Soup
That movie was legit and so is the soup.
Prime example why Mexican food is bomb.
1) Loaded Baked Potato
Can you see me AMERICA, HOME OF THE OBESE.