I love holidays.

They make binge eating socially acceptable; turning weekends into short vacations — and for what?

A midnight kiss from a stranger? An Easter egg hunt? Fireworks?

True American holidays serve a purpose. And no, I’m not talking about Jäger bombs with Uncle Ned before Christmas dinner.

Religious observation, family togetherness, national pride, heritage—whatever the reason for celebrating, these days of obligation have meaning, tradition, and rituals.

Then there are those other American holidays. The ones you hear about and say:

“Oh, that’s nice. It’s National Cured Salami Day,” and then you carry on with your day.


Because they’re stupid American holidays.

They’re the ones that are printed on kitten calendars. They’re what your first-grade teacher used to write on the board—and then also not celebrate. They’re the ones that populate nearly every day of the calendar two times over. Yes, you read that right. Almost every day in the calendar year is a “national holiday.”

Possibly even worse? They double up.

There’s National Hot Dog Day (July 23rd), National Hot Dog Month (all of July), National Bratwurst Day (August 16th), and National Sausage Day (October 11th).

Now don’t get me wrong, I love a good bratwurst and I enjoy ballpark hot dogs, even if I don’t know what they’re made out of. But does that really justify the need for three separate days of observation?

Why do they exist? My guess is to truly annoy people. A very small lobby of hyper-passionate people who complained to their local government so much that elected officials eventually rolled their eyes and made it a national holiday just to be left alone.

Second guess? Brands.

Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Company invented the Hot Dog Eating Contest held annually on July 23rd—a.k.a. National Hot Dog Day. Coincidence? Nope. Their lobby for a National Hot Dog Day was backed by the IFOCE, the International Federation of Competitive Eating.

Yeah, that’s also a thing.

While a lot of these holidays are “unofficial American holidays,” most still beg the question of why they exist at all.

So for your reading enjoyment, here are some of the ‘best’ stupid American holidays for November alone. (And there are plenty more I didn’t even include.)

November 1

National Deep Fried Clams Day

Starting off strong here. Can’t imagine there is anything worth celebrating regarding clams.

November 2

National Traffic Directors Day 

Always on November 2nd except if it falls on a weekend, then it’s the following Monday. Just so no one misses out on it.

November 3

National Men Make Dinner Day 

“Must Cook. No BBQ Allowed!” — there are seriously stipulations to these?

November 5

National Love Your Red Hair Day*

I’m onto you, gingers. Not to be confused with January 12th’s “Kiss a Ginger Day.”

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