I reevaluated everything in my life after watching this video.

It also solidified every reason why I’m scared to death of Russians. It’s not that I have anything against Russians (except Putin, Putin sucks), but I’ve seen my fair share of Bond movies and there’s nothing worse than a vengeful, strong, menacing Russian man.

Apparently that applies to 80-year-old Russian grandpas too.

My guess is this guy fought Sean Connery once or twice in From Russia With Love.


I mean, fingertip body raises? Whatever that bicycling in mid-air thing was? This guy is doing exercises that I’ve never even seen before. Leave it to a Russian grandpa to literally reinvent working out.

At one point, the young buck in the gym looks at him doing those hanging planks and thinks, “I’m 18 and can’t even do that shit!”

I do want to take a second to acknowledge a couple of other important points, though.

First, that outfit looks like it’s straight from Eastbay’s Easter catalogue. With the tucked in t-shirt to the sweatpants and the matching highlighter green and blue shoes, this guy was born ready. Even if being born ready was during World War II.

And oddly synonymous with the chosen attire, is the video’s music. It’s exactly what you would expect when watching an 80-year-old Russian grandpa’s Assisted Living highlight tape. The only thing missing is his height, weight, and position.

All things considered, I’m pretty discouraged with my slightly above average physical health while watching this. And the plate of Oreos next to me isn’t helping.

Maybe I should drink straight Vodka and hit the pull-up bar more often.