Dudes love movies.
It’s part of our DNA. Since the dawn of man, we have been transfixed by images of light—at one point it was just staring into fire or the sun, but now it’s movies.
To this day, we continue to build man caves for ourselves for this very purpose, for viewing these images of light. Sometimes, man even gathers in a central cave, known as a “Movie Theatre,” to watch the moving light as a community.
And now, with that fully strange and completely incorrect introduction, here are the upcoming movies we’re most looking forward to wasting $16 on this fall.
2015 Fall Movie Preview For Ultimate Dudes
It’s an ACTUAL fact that dudes love gangster movies. From an early age, we’re indoctrinated into such classics as The Goodfellas, The Godfather, and The Untouchables. And good news for guys everywhere, there’s a new gangster movie on the horizon, one that incidentally doesn’t start with the word “the.”
Black Mass stars Johnny Depp as Whitey Bulger, a notoriously brutal Irish mobster in Boston who is persuaded by an FBI agent (Joel Edgerton) to help eliminate their common enemy, the Italian mob. Things get hairy, corruption runs rampant involving politicians like Benedict Cumberbatch, and Bulger goes completely off the rails and out of control.
Explosions, whackings, and Depp playing a terrifying mobster instead of a terrifying candymaker/hatter. Good things ahead.
THE GREEN INFERNO
This one’s a sleeper for sure. From director Eli Roth, the terrifying man who directed Hostel and Cabin Fever comes the story of some 20-something activists who want to travel into the Peruvian rainforest to “make a difference” and save nature and it’s indigenous peoples.
This all goes south when their plane crashes and they’re captured by said indigenous peoples—ones who still practice ritualistic human sacrifice. The trailer alone is terrifying, and one reviewer said the film will leave audiences “stumbling out of the theatre.” See kids? Deforestation can be a good thing.
Again, I say to you, men doth love gangster movies. So it’s fitting that October (a month that’s stacked with movies) starts out with a super stylish gangster flick. Set in London in the 1960s, the story centers around the American mob seeking to turn London into the Las Vegas of Europe, using a pair of brothers known as the Kray’s as their gateway into the city and their muscle on the ground.
The first, Reggie Kray (Tom Hardy) is known for his suave negotiations while the second, Ronald Kray (Tom Hardy) is famous for being a “one-man mob” enforcer.
Yes, you read that right. Tom Hardy is playing both of the two brothers, the second of which is legitimately insane—a paranoid schizophrenic to be exact. Which leads to the best part: the story of the Kray’s is a real one.
A new take on the traditional Frankenstein story (although not as shitty as the Aaron Eckhart I, Frankenstein) features James MacAvoy as the good doctor and Harry Pott—I mean Daniel Radcliffe—as his hunchbacked manservant, Igor. Seems as good a way as any to start off Halloween season.
In keeping with the creepy theme, why not mention an upcoming flick that’s got the potential to be one of the most terrifying haunted house movies ever made: Crimson Peak.
Like most of his movies, (Pan’s Labyrinth, Hellboy) Guillermo Del Toro’s upcoming masterwork is dripping with atmosphere, and in the case of this film, dripping with blood as well. At its core, it’s a Victorian romance, with a young writer (Mia Waskowska) falling for a mysterious stranger (Tom Hiddelston) who takes her to live in his eerie ancestral home with his unsettling sister (Jessica Chastain).
But knowing Del Toro, it’s far more than a Downtown Abbey-esque period piece—it’s also mortifying Gothic horror. According to the man himself, Crimson Peak’s setting mimics its characters, full of dark secrets, taking on a life and personality of its own. And also like its characters, while the façade may keep up appearances, its interior is full of grisly secrets, and its attic, its mind, is rotting.
Simply put, this is your horror blockbuster fix for the season—without any cheap gimmicks.
BRIDGE OF SPIES
Who doesn’t like Tom Hanks? Seriously? Guy’s incredibly likeable, an immensely talented actor, and once played Forrest Gump—and we are forever indebted to that.
So as if I need to do more convincing than that, Hanks’s newest upcoming film features him as New York lawyer James Donovan, tasked with handling one of the most daunting prisoner exchanges in history.
A brief backstory: During the cold war, one of the United States’ high-altitude U2 spy planes was shot down over Soviet Russia, leading to the capture and imprisonment of it’s pilot. The downed pilot’s only hope is Donovan (Hanks) negotiating his exchange for the return of a convicted Soviet spy—which leads to pressure from both enemy and ally alike.
It’s gonna be tense, it’s gonna be tough, and it’s definitely not gonna be a box of chocolates—but something tells me we’ve got a good spy thriller on our hands.
It goes without saying that guys everywhere are awaiting the return of the ultimate international action hero, James Bond, played once again by Daniel Craig.
What maybe does need explaining is the significance behind this newest installment of the franchise—a return to one of the greatest supervillains of all times.
The title of the film, Spectre, takes its name from the shadowy organization that has inspired countless imitators and more than a handful of spoofs (including Austin Powers). It’s an acronym for “the Special Executive for Counterintelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion,” so they pretty much stand for everything wrong with the world.
What makes this significant, however is not their motives, but their leader, Ernst Stavro Blofeld, Bond’s Archnemesis and a villain so famous that he’s been lampooned countless times himself (Dr. Evil, anyone?). This will be the first time the franchise will return to its roots and pit Bond against the supervillain of supervillains since he defeated Blofeld in 1981’s For Your Eyes Only.
And who better to play the contemporary version of the character than everyone’s favorite creepy German, Christoph Waltz. Now technically he’s credited as a ‘Franz Oberhauser,’ but the coincidence is just way too strong not to believe he’s really playing the mastermind himself.
So aside from the return of the archnemesis, what else do we have to look forward to? Well besides Bond Girl #1, Bond Girl #2, Bond Girl #3, and Bond Girl #4, I guess you could say that we can also look forward to cars with flamethrowers.
And incidentally, one of the only movie titles in November that doesn’t start with the word ‘The.’
THE NIGHT BEFORE
Seth Rogen + Jospeh Gordon Levitt + Anthony Mackie + a whole lot of drugs = probably a better comedy than Hangovers 2 & 3.
This is going to be the Christmas version of This Is The End. And the trailer can do a better job explaining than I can.
Yup, Matt Damon is playing an astronaut again, but contrary to Interstellar, he won’t be playing a dick (we hope).
Based on a novel that you should absolutely read before seeing the movie, The Martian is a survival movie on a galactic scale. Think Castaway in space, except with less sports equipment to talk to and a complete lack of island life to help you survive.
Damon’s character is a member of a Martian exploratory team from Earth, left behind from the rest of his crew after a fierce dust storm leaves him presumed dead. With his crew on his way back home, he’s forced to find a way to make supplies meant to last a few months last him the year it will take for NASA to send a team back to bring him home.
Combine that with government bureaucracy, crippling loneliness, and oh I don’t know, being on an alien planet, and you’ve got quite a nail biter.
Another reason to be excited? As he is playing an analyst of some sorts, this may be the first movie in which Sean Bean doesn’t die.
THE GOOD DINOSAUR
You show me a man who doesn’t like Pixar movies, and I’ll show you a damn liar.