You hear and see all kinds of absurd shit on the evening news, but hearing the insane details of the following Union Station drug bust was enough to wake me from my half-slumber on the couch Sunday night. And that’s not very easy to do.

After all, it’s not every day that you hear the phrase “more than $300,000 worth of cocaine.”

Well, say hello to Michelle Ramos. She’s the woman that was arrested at Union Station on Saturday, with the following items in her luggage:

· 5.5 pounds of crack cocaine (worth $307,000)
· 99 ecstasy pills (worth $2,500)
· 1 pound of marijuana (worth $7,264)
· 50 grams of heroin (worth $5,600)
· $11 in cash (worth $11)
· 1 purple neck cushion (priceless) 

Probably a slightly different carry-on list than yours.

Safe to say, this Union Station drug bust is the most notable one we’ve seen go down at Chicago’s landmark train station since the epic shootout scene from The Untouchables.

Young Kevin Costner movies aside, it’s legitimately hard to believe the numbers from Ms. Ramos’ arrest – which occurred when she was planning to travel from Chicago to Pennsylvania.

Maybe she was doing somebody a big favor, or maybe she was planning to throw a party of outrageous proportions.

But I’ll fancy a guess that at least one person in Pennsylvania is upset that Michelle Ramos didn’t make her train out of Union Station and it’s not the friend she borrowed a neck cushion from.