I’m an indecisive person. I think.

Every choice is like an algorithm, from the Headquarters in Lakeview vs. River North to getting whiskey or rum with my coke.

So for me, the shopping process for any occasion, stereotypically girly as it sounds, is a whole thingI have to look at what people usually wear on the holiday, what the weather will be, which friends I’ll be with, what they might wear, it goes on and on.

But I realized that for something like a St. Patrick’s Day outfit, who really cares?

Everyone’s going to see you as a green blur anyways, let alone be able to read that super clever take on ‘Kiss Me I’m Irish…Today’ shirt you custom made or whatever.

Really, the bigger decision is where you’re going to celebrate. Bar deal first, clothes later.

So whether you’re indecisive like me or just don’t care enough to do all this yourself (probably the latter), here’s where to spend your precious time and money for a St. Patrick’s Day outfit.

Forever 21 

TheSixThirty_StPatricksDay_Outfit_Forever21_031215When you’re looking for cheap clothes that you don’t mind getting Guinness-stained, this is stop number one. But not only did they have no St. Patrick’s Day stuff, they really didn’t have much green at all. You can get a shirt with a bunch of Notorious BIG’s faces all over it, but nothing green.

And what you do find in green, should probably stay lost.

Outfit Cost: dress – $12.90 jacket – $29.90 cami (not in picture) – $3.90



Most of the women’s shirts were kind of minty-pastel-green or teal. But who wants that delicate stuff? We’re strong independent maybe-Irish ladies who don’t need any pastels. This is a drinking holiday, dammit.

The men’s section, however, has awesome green lantern shirts, plain green t-shirts, and hey, St. Patrick’s Day shirts. And in the kids section, you can totally find green Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtle shirts (which, if you’re a petite person, actually fit…yes, I tried).

It was at this point I came to the realization that in the fashion world, men have all the cool graphic tees.

So dudes? Make Target work for you (just know what not to buy).

Outfit Cost: I did manage to get a tank and a kids TMNT shirt (I know…) for $20


Urban Outfitters

Despite their awfulness, I’m a sucker for the place. I can tell you which of April’s clothes on Parks and Rec are from there, and the staff doesn’t care enough to talk to you – which is beautiful.

Urban has plenty of dryly sarcastic shirts to choose from for your Hipster St. Patty’s day. They’re trendy, they’re fake vintage, and they’re freakin’ expensive. The one in the middle has no sides and it’s $30.

If you’re cool with dropping $30 on a decent shirt you can only wear once a year, then hey, go for it.

Outfit Cost: (from left to right) $20 on sale, $29, $24


American Apparel 

Even though this place makes you feel like you’re in Blurred Lines, it’s ideal for St. Patty’s. Because after realizing that there’s more to life than a shirt that says, ‘Kiss Me, I’m Irish’ you accept that sometimes..it’s ok to be basic.

Green shirts, green leggings, green socks, green fanny packs – American Apparel is to the point. It just depends on what you buy.

You can go all out and be super broke, (not shown: $22 fanny pack) or you can get a men’s deep v for $22, at 70% off. Take that, commercialism…she says in a post about buying things.

Outfit Cost: hat – $20, tights – $34 (on wall), $16 (in package), T-shirt (on wall) $20, suspenders – $22, socks (not pictured) $6, fanny pack – $22 (!!!)

If you don’t get lucky with a crazily discounted feminine men’s shirt, there’s Chicago’s answer to people who need basics for cheap.


I don’t know why I didn’t go here first. Funeral, neon theme party, neon-themed funeral, it doesn’t matter what you’re going here for – they’re always going to have clothes you need.

Including basic greens.

Outfit Cost: Just go, if you spend more than $20 on several shirts I’d be shocked.

But your best bet?



Stay outta the actual clothing stores for this holiday. Any of these three stores has a little mini wall of at least three different necklaces recycled from Mardi Gras, shamrock sunglasses, and a cheap t-shirt. Boom. You’re done. Walgreens even has a Guinness shirt in Men/Women sizes.

Well played Walgreens.

Cost: hat – $5.99, shirt – $4.99, three necklaces – $5.00 (all of this is less than a hat at American Apparel and almost half the price of one shirt at Urban)

Here’s the deal with St. Patrick’s day – it’s a once a year party. You wanna look good, but it’s not worth breaking your bank account for. There’s more to life than having the perfect outfit for one day.

Like Guinness beer.