Lena Dunham, Alanis Morisette, Avril Lavigne, Chris Rock, Heidi Klum, Jason DeRulo, Julia Roberts, Lisa Kudrow and Matt Leblanc.
That’s a shortened version of the guest list in attendance for the “Taylor Swift Summer Tour Surprise Guest-A-Palooza” that took place last summer.
While, yes, some of the names on the list denote actual musicians, I’ve yet to stumble upon a Chris Rock and Matt Leblanc future-trap remix of Diplo’s “Lean On.”
Taylor Swift made a mockery of her 2015 summer tour. The list of celebrities is a testament to her marketability as a mainstream, societal icon.
It’s quite easy, if you think about it.
Tour Manager: “Hey Tay-Tay, we’re going to these cities on tour this summer. You should totes hit up your celeb friends that live in those cities and we can pay them to show up at the end of the show for an encore.”
Tour Manager: “What’s that? You don’t have any friends? Oh, wait. Totally forgot we just tried paying all of them to (literally) show up at a location for a short period of time to do nothing but smile and wave.”
Tour Manager: “No, we can’t just re-release 1989. People are starting to suspect…”
So it’s settled. Taylor Swift sold her tour to the devil. But unfortunately, she’s not alone in her wrongdoings.
Spotify’s Breakout Artist of 2015 just had to get in on the fun right after becoming the fastest artist to have racked up over a billion plays on the music streaming platform (granted over 300,000 were from “Firestone” and “Stole the Show”).
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I’m talking about Norwegian producer and DJ, Kygo.
Currently signed to Ultra Music, Kygo just wrapped up his Cloud Nine Tour. The four city tour travelled all across North America to some of the more EDM-centric cities (San Francisco, New York City, Toronto, Chicago).
The tour featured “Lean On” vocalist MØ, tropical house colleague Thomas Jack, the Joe Jonas-fronted band DNCE, and fellow Oslo friends Nico & Vinz.
All five of the shows sold out. Which means?
Kygo, too, sold his tour to the devil in the form of Shaggy and R. Kelly.
The former showed up at Barclays Center and performed his 2000 hit, “Wasn’t Me”, as well as putting his own reggae spin on Kygo’s remix of “Sexual Healing” originally by Marvin Gaye.
What a monumental milestone for Norway’s Kygo. I mean, come on guys. He just did it on the bathroom floor with a living legend.
But of course, no tour would be complete without stopping in at The Ellen DeGeneres Show for an awkwardly intimate live performance.
Last but not least, the moment we’ve all been waiting for. And by all, of course I’m referring to those that enjoy underage, female urination for personal pleasure.
Which hopefully accounts to none of you. Unless…
No. It couldn’t be…
Over the weekend, Kygo had another special surprise in store for Chicago attendees when he brought “The Pride of Chi-Town” out on stage for (yet another) remix of Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing”.
To finish them off, Kygo and R. Kelly ignited the crowd with a live rendition of “Ignition”.
Needless to say, the tabloids were abuzz the next morning.