What’s good? It’s Blen aka The Evocative Sunset here to speak to you about one of the hottest rappers in the game — Lil Dicky.
For those unaware, David Burd aka Lil Dicky is a white rapper from Philadelphia who became notoriously famous the same way every white rapper becomes famous — YouTube. His music video for “Ex-Girlfriend” went like five times viral in a week and the rest was history.
I know what you’re thinking, white rappers are for frat parties and kids who refuse to get a real job post graduation. Not Dicky. He’s a white rapper who consciously mocks white rap, and rap in general.
Rather than trying to conform to preexisting hip hop culture, he’s forged his own lane in it and doesn’t really care what others think about it.
One of the ways Dicky has created his own quirky lane in rap is by the use of nicknames. Virtually every song he creates has a spoken intro, and in that intro, he uses it to actually introduce himself.
So here’s a power ranking of every self-assigned Lil Dicky nickname because why the hell not?
The Bottom 5
This first handful of nicknames come from early in Dicky’s career. That’s evident from how vanilla his early nicknames were. Basically all of them included the descriptor ‘young’ with something equally as lame for a surname.
It’s OK, like fine wine, Dicky only got better with age.
“Scary Story” — AKA Young Man
“The Cypher” — AKA Whatever
— AKA Little Boy
“Too High” — AKA Young Dick
“Workaholics” — AKA Young Professional
Does Dicky Like Food?
“GQ Interview” — AKA Sunscreen
Can you eat sunscreen? I’m sure you can. But should you eat sunscreen? No.
— AKA The Truffle Fry Guy
These are delicious.
— AKA Cheese Dick
These are not.
“Beef” — AKA Chipotle Aioli
Dicky introduced himself as Chipotle Aioli (WTF is that even) while rapping in a Steph Curry Davidson jersey on the shitter. I’ve never typed so many unrelated things in a single sentence in my life.
Pop Culture Meets Pop Dicky
— AKA The Priceline Negotiator
A solid Bill Schatner reference, on his birthday no less.
“Lion King” — AKA Firm Handshake
Ironically, Dicky calls himself the Firm Handshake on a track titled “Lion King.” If only Scar had a firm handshake on Mufasa, we wouldn’t be in this fucked up world we live in.
— AKA The Boy Who Cried Wolf
Sure, why not?
“Album and Tour Update” — AKA The Biggest Loser
Nothing like announcing an album and tour by calling yourself a huge loser.
“The 90s” — AKA White Jesus
Wasn’t Jesus white all along?
— AKA Slim Boner
If I knew where Slim Boner originated from it’d be in the top 10 easily, maybe even the top five.
“Bruh…” — AKA Stem Cells
I don’t even know what stem cells means in the context of a nickname.
6-10: Just Missed The Cut
“Who Knew” — AKA The Time Traveler’s Wife
Fucking great book.
“We Made It Freestyle” –AKA Watch Yo Girl Pussy, Homie
At least he’s giving the other guy in this equation a heads up before he tries to steal this girls vagina from right under her boyfriend’s nose.
“Free Bread At The Outback” — AKA The Urologist
I hear Urologists make really good money.
— AKA The Human Bitcoin
I would call myself this in real life.
“Would You Believe That” — AKA The Longwinded Answer
I’ll keep this response short.
5. “Spring Tour Announcement” AKA Sweet Baby Ray, The Founder Of The Sauce
Dicky isn’t confined to shouting out self-appointed nicknames at the beginning of songs. He’ll intro photo booth created tour announcements with them, too. And this one was good enough to crazy the top five.
Everyone loves BBQ sauce, so if you call yourself Sweet Baby Ray it’s going to work. When you add “The Founder Of The Sauce,” you become a legend.
4. “$ave Dat Money” AKA The Independent Variable
Dicky dug deep into his old mathematics textbooks for his nickname on his most famous single to date. But it works, because for someone who came up in rap completely on his own being the independent variable is an accurate descriptor.
3. “Classic Male Pregame” AKA The Original Pancake
I mean, this is just so out there I can’t help but clap my hands. I actually have started enlisting my friends to call me The Redundant Waffle.
2. “Hype Man Auditions” AKA Pearled Couscous
What. The. Hell.
To “pearl” something is like saying make it perfect. And I guess couscous is hard to make perfectly, it’s easy to overcook. So calling yourself Pearled Couscous is a nice way of saying you’re absolutely flawless.
I would have chosen risotto myself.
1. “Ex-Boyfriend” AKA Mr. Leftward Sloping Penis
The OG nickname from the OG song.
How do you beat calling yourself a directional angle of male genitalia. Props, Dicky.