The seasons are changing. And whether it’s in the name of mens health or to simply survive the impending winter, men everywhere are growing out their facial hair.
Growing a beard is one of the more manly things you can do. And whether your facial hair is capable of reaching Paul Bunyan-levels or hovers more along the density of Michael Ceras whispy whiskers – Movember is a great cause to follow with your follicles.
For some however, growing a beard is more than just a November affair. And in the case of Australian rock band The Beards, a beard is more than just a fashion statement.
Beard is life.
Which is why they make the perfect soundtrack to the masculine month of Movember with their celebration of “staches, sideburns, and all things bearded.”
Formed in Adelaide, South Australia in 2005 – the folk-rock comedy band has completely devoted themselves to singing about the virtues of having a beard. They’ve quickly developed a cult following in their home city and country, leading to the release of their first album in 2007.
Naturally, the album was titled The Beards.
Theyre so devoted to the facilitation of facial hair that theyve all changed their names to be more beard-worthy; Johan Beardraven (Vocals, Keytar), Facey McStubblington (Guitar), Nathaniel Beard (Bass) and John Beardman, Jr. (Drums).
Yeah, thats right. Their lead singers name sounds like a Viking Chieftain and he plays the mightiest of mash-up instruments; the Keytar.
With a sound thats somewhere between The Darkness and Tenacious D and a lineup of facial sweaters that would give the cast of Duck Dynasty a run for their money, these guys are just as talented as they are entertaining.
Just take a look at some of their discography:
- A Wizard Needs a Beard 2:02
- The Tale of the Amish Boy (and his Beard) 5:06
- It Only Takes a Fortnight to Grow a Decent Beard 2:46
- Big Bearded Bruce 7:28
- Who Told You to Shave Off Your Beard? (original demo version) 3:04
- No Beard, No Good
- Baby’s Got a Beard
- If Your Dad Doesn’t Have a Beard, You’ve Got Two Mums
- Beards Don’t Kill People, People With Beards Kill People
- My Baby Left Me for a Man Without a Beard
- Beard Love
- Having a Beard is the New Not Having a Beard
- I’m in the Mood…for Beards
- You Should Consider Having Sex with a Bearded Man
- Why Having a Beard is Better than Having a Woman
- I Think Beards are Great
- There’s Just Nothing Better than a Beard
- Beard Related Song Number 38
And thats not even all of them. The full list is about twice as long.
These guys are more than just musicians – theyre artists. And like any true artist, they want to share their musical art with the world through the timeless medium of music videos.
So, weve taken a select few of our favorites to walk you through.
If Your Dad Doesnt Have a Beard, Youve Got Two Mums
Think of this as The Beards public service announcement: nothing against people with two mothers, but if your Dad isnt working with whiskers, hes really just a second mother figure.
Well, these guys arent going to stand for it, and theyll prove bearded men make better fathers, even if they have to kidnap your son to do so.
Beards Dont Kill People, People With Beards Kill People
While PSAs are one thing, history lessons are just as important, especially where famous beards are concerned. But this history lesson takes a side.
It reminds us that while many murderers and ruffians throughout history had beards, it was not the beard to blame for their vile acts. The beard merely complimented their otherwise rough demeanors. But not all historical beards were badespecially if youre Gandalf, slaying Orcs and other beardless things.
This is not a music video, but its too awesome not to share.
Shaved Off His Beard
Shaving a beard off is not something to take lightly. Let this song serve as a warning to those who would shave off their beard. Its summed up nicely in these stanzas:
And there once was a Girl, and her husband had a beard,
she asked him to shave it off and now she’s dead.
Well the Girl and the Man, they each had a funeral,
the people who attended are now dead.
So the grave digger came, to bury the bodies,
and he had a beard and cant be killed.
True story? Probably.
Some holes in the logic? Maybe. But the threat is real. And for some, the fate is worse than death. Just look at The Kings of Leon.
Well there once was a band and their name was Kings of Leon,
they shaved off their beards and now they’re shit.
Got Me A Beard
When you have a beard, you have hope. Or at least you have a beard.
This video tells the beautiful story of a man who loses everything and hops on a bus to find a place that he belongs. His journey takes him to a magical land of beards and other bearded friends who aid him in his quest: to destroy the city and stage a bearded revolution.
A tale as old as time, really.
You Should Consider Having Sex With a Bearded Man
This one defies all explanation.
If youve ever wanted to experience firsthand what its like to get intimate with a middle-aged bearded man, this video is for you. Go ahead, watch it.
I dare you.
In a recent interview, the band discussed some criticism theyve received regarding their source materialnamely, how many songs can you write about beards?
The band responded this past May by releasing another album, The Beard Album, featuring 11 new songs about facial hair and their new hit single, All the Bearded Ladies.
Look out, Beyoncé.
(Featured photo courtesy of The Beards Facebook)