Fred Hoiberg is off to a 5-3 start, but much more important Bulls news was announced Wednesday. We finally have a Bulls D-League team in the Northwest Suburbs.
The NBA Development League – also known as the NBDL, D-League, and Dream League – has granted the Bulls its 22nd team, which will be operated in Hoffman Estates. In case you might give a shit, that’s a new record amount of D-League teams.
Following in the footsteps of the Hornets and Nets, the Bulls’ purchasing a D-League affiliate will boost the league’s team count from 19 to 22 in time for the 2016-2017 season. Probably a good move by the D-League getting to an even amount of teams, because that’s usually how sports work.
Anyway, for a plethora of reasons not worth specifying, the NBA D-League is easily the most random minor league system in pro sports – and that becomes pretty obvious when you look at the various team names.
After doing a little math, it seems each D-League team went with one of four strategies in the name-selection process.
1) “Fuck it, let’s keep the same name as our NBA team. Brand unity.” (Santa Cruz Warriors, Austin Spurs, Westchester Knicks)
2) A legitimate locally-inspired moniker based off an animal native to the region, important person, historical event, etc. (Reno Big Horns, Rio Grande Valley Vipers, Maine Red Claws, Toronto Raptors 905, Fort Wayne Mad Ants, Delaware 87ers, Erie Bayhawks)
3) A vague-as-hell singular noun that’s loosely related to basketball or life in general. (Iowa Energy, Oklahoma City Blue, Bakersfield Jam, Canton Charge, Sioux Falls Skyforce, Grand Rapids Drive, Idaho Stampede)
4) Barely trying at all or a fan contest that yielded dumb results. (Texas Legends, Los Angeles D-Fenders)
Like most teams, the Chicago Bulls D-League team will get its name from a fan contest. Unfortunately, this one is a little dumb.
Bulls fans/Illinois residents can submit up to five suggestions each for the Hoffman Estates “_______” – but it has to include ‘Bulls’ at the end. This obviously limits the options to either a two-word team name or something in the ‘Luvabulls’ mold. (We’re also assuming the name will start with Hoffman Estates, not Chicago.)
Obviously, a fan contest with no restriction could yield a much more original option, but the Bulls are playing it safe so they don’t end up with a dogshit name like the D-Fenders.
So we put together our five somewhat realistic submissions that follow contest rules, a few ideas we had if the Bulls D-League team naming process was up to us, and some of the better gold on Reddit.
Contest Submission A
Not exactly original, but a reference to both the Scorsese/DeNiro gem from 1980 and the Six Flags staple rollercoaster. Our early clubhouse leader for what we think the name will actually end up being.
Contest Submission B
A nod to being untouchable – always a good thing – and to the 1987 gangster classic, The Untouchables. Which of course, is about the end of Al Capone’s reign and has an epic shootout scene at Union Station.
Contest Submission C
“Tyro (noun): a beginner or novice”
Long shot because most people don’t know what the word tyro means right away. Unfortunate, because it’s accurate and tyro rhymes with pyro.
Contest Submission D
A more interesting way to saying running, an activity that Bulls are known to do a little bit of. Galloping Bulls screams “minor league team” too.
Contest Submission E
What It Should Be
Uh yeah, there’s a word that – in North America at least – precisely means “a young bull.” This word is Bullock.And last time I checked, Hoffman Estates is in North America.
A Chicago Bulls minor league franchise name couldn’t be more accurate than this.
Bulls like to eat.
Because, Manute Bol.
Would be pretty timely.
‘Hoffman Estates Bullshit’ fits in perfectly on that map above.
Singular nouns, yo.
Just buy-in to the soccer club way of doing things.
It’s a reference to steak.
The Best of Reddit
Can you say corporate sponsorship?
Pour one out for Tyson Chandler and Eddy Curry.
Everyone loves Lunchables.
Free carrots at every home game.