The weather is breaking 50 degrees, with a ray or two of sunshine just outside my window.
At last, it feels as though baseball weather is finally here to stay. And while the weather hasn’t necessarily been hot, the demand for a ticket to see Chicago’s favorite sports team has.
Hell, the flock of pigeons you passed on your walk through the Loop this morning could have told you that the Chicago Cubs are the most sought after ticket in baseball. After all, this is the year.
Let’s say you don’t have the Gold Coast coin to shell out to catch a game in the Infield Box even though the Cubs are playing the lowly Brewers. Or, let’s say the Budweiser Bleacher demand gets so out of control you find yourself paying $40 just to sit next to the fat guy from “Angels In The Outfield.”
I feel it’s my obligation as a fellow broke-ass Cubs fan to provide you with the necessary hacks to indulge in the Cubs this 2016 season. And no, not every single one involves going to Wrigley Field because newsflash asshole, it’s not always that cool anyways.
Here’s what else I had in mind.
Sit at home with a 6-pack of tall boy Old Style’s
Unfortunately, this is usually my go-to.
A ‘sixer’ of Old Style tall boys at your nearest 7-Eleven is a whole $5.99 or something like that. A nice HD TV with Len and Bob muted, Pat Hughes coming over the accompanying airwaves, plus a cold Oldie and you have the cheapest (and in my opinion), best option to watch a Cubs game.
Sometimes going to the ballpark or watching a game live can be overrated. You don’t get replays or shitty cell service in the ballpark and drunk Uncle Eddie is always trying to play piss swords with you in one of Wrigley’s troughs.
If you want to catch the Cubs for cheap just sit on the couch you paid for on Craigslist and be content with your life for once.
Go to a game now…like tonight or tomorrow, literally
I was browsing tickets for the upcoming Wrigley Field series, and prices are dirt cheap right now. This is a far cry from what they will be when the weather fully warms up and the friendly confines become chock full of college frat stars returning from their frat farms.
I’m serious; you can get into tomorrow’s game for $6 bucks.
Find yourself some better friends
One of the keys to building a successful residence in Chicago is having connected friends. Who wants to own their own boat? No one. Who can afford—or is old enough for—Cubs, Bears, Hawks, or Bulls season tickets? No one (I exclude Sox tickets because they’re dirt cheap and no one goes anyways).
Find yourself some cool friends and use them for free shit. In the end, it may just cost you a beer and a hot dog at the park for nine innings of the best baseball around.
“Oh, I’ll get you back next time bro!” Nah you won’t.
Take a radio and a cooler of libations to the beach or park
There are probably 15 pros to this one, making it one of my favorite.
First of all, Pat Hughes’ sultry voice is 15 times better calling balls and strikes than my own discernment sitting along the 3rd baseline. Second of all, baseball is usually the secondary activity while you’re at the ballpark anyways, so why not make it the exact same thing with the ambiance of Lincoln Park?
You can bring your glove to the beach or park without looking like an asshole. So if you have a battery operated radio still (I get it, it’s 2016), then you get an entertaining game, cheaper drinks, and an ideal setting for relaxation.