Through Week 5 of the college football season, it’s safe to say I’m starting to notice an uncomfortable feeling in my liver area.

Drinking copious amounts of liquor in my mind and actually physically doing it haven’t really been on the same wavelength since college, but nonetheless I do it for you. College sports, college mindset.

And this past Saturday, a college atmosphere. Kind of.

That atmosphere was at good ole’ Derby Bar – Chicago’s home of the Missouri Tigers – where I drank way too much before Uber-ing home, destroying some Lou Malnati’s and watching the night slate. If you couldn’t tell, I really enjoy college football Saturdays.

Other than a hangover, here’s what I took away from college football Week 5.

Butch Jones is nothing more than a car salesman. 

How does one have all the talent necessary (that he recruited) and suck so bad with it?

I’ll applaud Butch Jones on his recruiting prowess. He’s brought in big time athletes like Jalen Hurd, Joshua Dobbs and a smattering of pro prospects on the defensive front.

But that’s why he’s just a salesman. He’s a one-trick pony. He’s got no issue going into a player’s home, looking a mother dead in the eye and telling her it’s all going to be kosher.

He’ll recruit the fuck out of you, land you, and then do nothing for you. The guy can not coach in a live football game and that’s the blunt reality of it.

The preseason hype was justified. Tennessee has the talent to win the SEC East, and they still do (have that talent). But Butch Jones has butchered those chances.

And yes, I did that on purpose to prove that his coaching is as pitiful as my puns.

Welcome to Locktober in Columbia, MO. 

M-I-Z; Z-O-Drew.


He’s not the hero we need, rather…no fuck, he’s the hero we need.

True freshman Drew Lock rose to the occasion and led Missouri to a 24-10 (must) win over South Carolina. It was clear the young buck had the training wheels on, as he only threw the ball 28 times for 136 yards.

But that’s way beside the point. Mizzou’s biggest issue through four games was the offense’s inability to sustain drives, thus giving its defense (the team’s calling card), little time to rest. That was clear as day in the Kentucky loss from inopportune letdowns by the Tigers D in the 4th quarter. It was fatigue.

Lock made the plays he was asked to make and didn’t try to do too much. He’s young and learning on the fly, but I’m already more comfortable with Lock than I have been in a year and a half of Maty Mauk.

Keep that coke hand strong, Maty. We’re fine with Drew.

Enough with the rankings bullshit, Baylor is the best team in the country (right now).  

If you watch college football and think Ohio State is currently the best football team in the country, then I’ll assume you don’t know shit. Don’t cite some antiquated rankings system that only calculates whether you won or lost and not how you did it.

Ohio State should have lost to Indiana on Saturday. Baylor has smoked every opponent they’ve played, granted they haven’t played a soul. But neither has Ohio State unless you count 2-3 Virginia Tech as more of a soul than 3-2 Texas Tech.

Baylor’s offense, with weapons across the board, looks like it’ll take an over-the-top defensive effort to legitimately stop. Just because Ohio State was preseason No. 1 doesn’t mean they’re still the country’s best team five weeks later.

I find it baffling that some people believe a team shouldn’t be leaped in the polls if they win. Baylor is playing better than anyone in the country right now, so they should have the little number one digit next to their name until they aren’t.

Simple as that.

Homie needs to worry about that starting job, though. You should be 5-0 with the teams that you’ve played.

I’m bored on Tuesdays/Wednesdays and need MACtion.

Because everyone needs a good reason to drink and gamble on Tuesday/Wednesday without having to be questioned as a degenerate.

Unfortunately, we’ll have to wait another month (November 3rd) to have football on TV every night of the week – but with Toledo ranked and Ohio at 4-1, this year’s edition of MACtion should be plenty entertaining.

Never give Bob Stoops the spotlight.

Want to know the quickest way to get Bob Stoops to shit his pants? Rank the Sooners in the Preseason Top 5.

Once again, Oklahoma is proving to be a way better football team when they’re not touted in the preseason. I can’t tell if that’s embarrassing or happenstance. Either way, it’s annoying.

College Football Week 5

Considering the ill-conceived love we pour upon Stoops and his Sooners I’m well within my right to call him out on it. I could call him the LeBron James of college football coaches, but sadly that would actually be disrespectful to LeBron James.

Before you get mad at me let me ask you this: What exactly has Bob Stoops done since winning the National Championship in 2000?

Don’t get me wrong, Bob Stoops is a good football coach. But only when his team isn’t supposed to be.

Temple has joined Houston on my radar. 

I love under-the-radar teams in college football. First it was Houston in Week 2 (now 4-0), and now I’m telling you about 4-0 Temple. Consider the Owls and Cougars on a collision course for the American Conference championship game — which is a lot cooler than it sounds.

Temple has won three consecutive road games (including a solid Cincinnati team) after upsetting Penn State in Week 1. Don’t look now, but the Owls can easily head into a Halloween showdown with Notre Dame at 7-0.

And if he isn’t already, Matt Rhule should be at the top of the llinois head coaching hire list.

Other notes 

-After a second consecutive shutout, Michigan’s defense has now given up 31 points on the entire season. Their opponent next Saturday, Northwestern, leads CFB in total defense at only 7.0 points per game. I fully expect that Vegas over/under to be set at 30 and $20 says I’m still a sucker and bet the over.

-Nick Saban is now 3-1 against Georgia head coach Mark Richt, effectively ending Georgia’s national title hopes in 2008, 2012, and now 2015.

-And let’s close with a quick update on the hot mess at Texas.


My drink offer still stands, Charlie.