Corey Crawford: Stanley Cup-winning goalie for the Chicago Blackhawks and spokesman for Protect-A-Bed, a mattress protection accessory company.

That second part is what really boosts the overall resume.

Seriously, before hearing a Crawford radio spot during Game 6 we didn’t even know that bed protection companies existed – let alone the Blackhawks goalie signing lucrative endorsement deals with one.

Well, probably not lucrative.

At least Crawford managed to sign with the bed protection industry’s leader┬ábecause Protect-A-Bed apparently beat everybody else to the most obvious fucking name ever.

But come on. This dude has won a Stanley Cup, is playing in his third consecutive Western Conference Finals, and he’s endorsed by….Protect-A-Bed?

Even worse when you consider the opportunity for inevitably cheesy analogies between protecting a bed and protecting a net.

Corey Crawford

I’d rather have Corey Crawford protecting my bed.

Corey Crawford may need to hire a new publicist when the playoffs are over.

Naturally, Protect-A-Bed is one of those companies you would think has really bad commercials. Like local car dealership commercials bad.

Do a little Youtube search, and there’s a hilariously awful video of a Crawford signing event at Mattress Firm (evidently they were all over the super obvious names as well).

At this point, to best describe Corey Crawford’s random ass endorsement with Protect-A-Bed, we default to a video breakdown.

Corey Crawford Protect-A-Bed Video Breakdown

Corey Crawford Bed

“Hey Bob, how many would you say showed up?”

“I dunno, maybe like 250-300.”

“Alright, we’ll go with 300 plus.”

Corey Crawford Bed

But somehow around 125 of the guesstimated 300 fans didn’t get autographs at a signing event.

Corey Crawford Bed

And around 50 got screwed on the promo bags.

Corey Crawford Bed

Nope. Corey Crawford is a one-time Stanley Cup winner.

Corey Crawford Bed

Our guess is somewhere between the beginning of June and the end of December. Maybe everyone can get autographs this time.

(Images from YouTube)