Everyone loves rocking the jersey of their favorite team or player to the stadium. It’s part of being a fan. It’s the ultimate sign you’re “legit.” Or a sign of how much you’re willing to pay so people think you are.
It also can turn into a colossal waste of money if you end up choosing the wrong jersey.
Take me for example – I’ve owned two such Chicago sports jerseys at some point in my life, but now you wouldn’t catch me donning their names unless I lost a bet. It’s the quickest way to spend half your time at the stadium defending your fan hood instead of watching the actual game.
And I’m just not about that life. Because nobody wants to be that guy.
So, as of August 2015, here’s the five Chicago sports jerseys I beg you not to wear in relative public.
Unless, of course, you want to be that guy.
Chicago Cubs — Carlos Zambrano
Without a doubt the easiest addition. If you’re caught with a Carlos Zambrano jersey at Wrigley Field I’m throwing you out of the confines quicker than any umpire ever threw Carlos out of a game.
Zambrano was a head case, effectively vilified himself in his latter days with the Cubs, and wholly represents the messy organization pre-Ricketts/Epstein. No one in Chicago misses him or even cares that he once threw a no-hitter for their team. I don’t ever condone the burning of jerseys, but this is one that I wouldn’t mind kindling my fireplace with.
Honorable Mention: Milton Bradley
Chicago Bears — Brandon Marshall
I own a Brandon Marshall jersey. I loved Brandon Marshall, but his departure from the Bears was woefully disappointing. And that considered I’m simply not going to wear my No. 15 jersey to Soldier Field.
But judging from what I saw at the Bears first preseason game on Thursday night, there are still plenty of fans that either disagree or haven’t gotten around to updating their wardrobe.
I’m gonna go with the latter.
Honorable Mention: Cedric Benson
Chicago White Sox — Carlos Lee
The White Sox are such a tough choice for a “don’t be that guy” jersey because everyone wears the same ones to U.S. Cellular Field. If it’s not Konerko, Thomas, Sale, or Buehrle – good luck finding more than five at the park.
But if there’s one Sox jersey you wouldn’t catch me in, it’s Carlos Lee. Maybe Sox fans would out of gratitude because the Lee trade netted Scott Podsednik – who was an All Star for the 2005 world champs.
As a player though, Carlos Lee was all flash and no substance during his tenure with the White Sox.
Honorable Mention: Dayan Viciedo
Chicago Bulls — Tyrus Thomas
Carlos Boozer would be the easy choice because of how fresh his mediocrity is in our minds. But if you’re wearing a Tyrus Thomas jersey there is no place for you at the United Center.
Not only was Thomas the person traded for on draft day in the LaMarcus Aldridge fiasco, he was criminally terrible as a member of the Bulls despite the constant hype about his “potential.”
I mean come on man, Vinny Del Negro was still the Bulls head coach.
Honorable Mention: Boozer
Chicago Blackhawks — Nobody
There’s one name floating around in the news right now that’s probably not the wisest to walk around Chicago with on the back of your shirt. But that’s just for this exact moment and could change at any time now.
Compare the other names on this list with recent Blackhawks teams, and there are virtually zero correlations. The only thing I can think of is if you’re still rocking a ‘shirsey’ of someone from the 2010 Cup team who didn’t make it to the 2013 and 2015 squads. It might be time for an upgrade.
No offense to Dustin Byfuglien or anything, but Teuvo is pretty dope. And so are Blackhawks shirseys.
Honorable Mention: Nobody