This is one of those things that usually goes unsaid in Chicago for the sake of one’s general safety, but I can’t hold my tongue any longer.

Michael Jordan is a douchebag.

I understand I’m preaching to an empty room here. MJ is basically Jesus to Chicagoans. And Chicago sports fans are notorious for being blind to the fact their sports stars are assholes.

Their ‘king’ is Exhibit A.

If you haven’t heard, Michael Jordan is suing Dominick’s for $10 million despite the fact that Dominick’s isn’t even an active company anymore.

Interesting power play from the Jumpman himself, considering the guy probably keeps $10 million (cash) stashed inside the padding of one of the 15 basketball hoops he has on the premise of his home/compound.

That’s a slight exaggeration, but you get the point.

I don’t ever knock someone for getting the money that’s theirs but let’s be real here, Michael. This is like the IRS coming to knock on the door of a single mother trying to put her three kids through school demanding a check for back taxes.

No one likes you.

But that’s not even what I’m most irked at. It’s the fact that Michael Jordan is dwelling on a single print ad that ran in a Sports Illustrated issue from 2009. That was six years ago, man.

Get over it.

And the amount of $10 million. I get that Jordan’s market value is set at its deserved price, but let’s stash this one in the “oh well…” category, eh Mike? Especially because it seems quite trivial to sue this company.

Dominick’s running your ad clearly didn’t do wonders for their bottom line, considering they’ve been out of business since January of 2014.


(via TMZ)

And of all ads to sue over, its one that starts with “Congratulations”?

Apparently MJ thought he was at least two cuts above, and that Dominick’s sold him short. Maybe he’s too good to be on an ad that has a coupon next to it.

Or maybe he’s just a greedy, pompous dick.

UPDATE: 8/24/15

Well, maybe greedy wasn’t exactly the most accurate term.

As a friend pointed out, this case wasn’t about $8.9 million, $10 million, or “money at all” – it was about Michael Jordan making sure no business would ever use his name in an advertisement without his explicit permission. If anyone is going to make money from his name, it’s going to be Michael Jordan.

Which of course, still kinda makes him a pompous dick – just not a greedy one (assuming he does donate that $8.9 million to charity). But it’s also easy to call somebody else an asshole when you aren’t the one who’s mere first and last name is worth millions of dollars.

I mean, what billionaire do you know that isn’t a prick?

-Peter Hahn