Nike: Snow Day is without a doubt Nike’s Magnum Opus. The concept is nostalgic, the stars are recognizable, and it’s set to James Brown’s “Payback” for Christ sake.
It opens up with Gronk, of course, because who else would you start a spot with that’s about not going to school and playing in the snow on a winter’s morn?
His counterpart? Ndamukong Suh.
Next thing you know, Gronk is rounding up his squad like Charlie in D2: The Mighty Ducks.
Gronk meets up with LeSean McCoy who surprisingly doesn’t pull a hammy busting through his front door. The two of them rip open Luke Kuechly’s garage as he’s lifting weights. Kuechley tosses a dumbbell to Odell Beckham who catches it one-handed (of course).
Big Ben joins them after throwing lasers at a mailbox and for some reason Paul George emerges from the back of a car—which i can only assume is a metaphor for basketball players being homeless in the eyes of football.
Eric Weddle jumps from the roof of a house because that’s what Eric Weddle does, and Marlen Esparaza hits Antonio Brown with a plow truck and it’s off to the field.
From the top of the fence emerges Suh, closely followed by his squad.
Cross-fitter Lauren Fisher and Marcus Mariota break through the fence, followed closely by Sydney Leroux, Elena Della Donne, Carli Lloyd, and LeVeon Bell.
It looks like Ndamukong called on the services of Draymond Green to counter Paul George, and also employs the only hockey player in the commercial, Steven Stamkos.
The last “new face” we see is All Pro wide receiver A.J. Green, and the teams square off.
Though Suh is not a champion himself it seems he went the route of assembling a team of every champion imaginable.
So who wins?
I say Team Gronk easy. He has Big Ben and Antonio Brown and that’s a connection you couldn’t make on eHarmony. Luke Kuechly and Eric Weddle were born for cold weather football and Marcus Mariota is from Hawaii. He’s 22 and still has yet to see snow.
Add your thoughts in the comments section if you care to disagree. But you’re wrong.