This weekend I took another noteworthy adventure to the great state of Wisconsin.
Although my last visit to America’s Dairyland was for musical purposes, this trip was for the 2015 PGA Championship. So far, I’ve eaten cheese curds, thrown up cheese curds, and followed the world’s best golfers around one of the most beautiful courses in America for 12 straight hours.
Here are my highlights from Whistling Straits.
2015 PGA Championship: Unfiltered Recap From Whistling Straits
Rounds 2 & 3
1. Despite the fact I’m staying in a motel that was robbed in March, I feel somewhat at home in the town of Sheboygan.
I realized this sitting in the grandstands of the 17th Green while watching a drunk man hit velcro golf balls onto the turf island connected to his boat. Since I’m clearly having a difficult time explaining this setting through words, I’ve included a photo…
2. Sergio Garcia is a nutbag.
Things didn’t start heating up on Saturday morning until we watched Sergio Garcia tee off on the fourth hole. After a seemingly crappy drive, Sergio slammed his driver on the tee box in a fit of anger. And judging from the reaction of his caddy after examining the club, I’m pretty sure Sergio cracked the shaft.
Not as good as this, but still a great start to the day.
3. This course is very hilly.
Whistling Straits has tons of hills. The course is a minefield for sprained ankles, providing an endless supply of unintentional comedy in the form of old drunk guys losing their balance and tumbling down a sand dune.
4. Rickie Fowler’s gallery was impressive, for Rickie Fowler.
It was no Tiger Woods crowd, by any means. But still, it was good for a golfer that’s won zero majors. I would be pumped if every 12-year-old across the country dressed like me, but I would also be pumped if I played golf for a living and won tournaments from time-to-time.
I don’t want to say he’s the next Sergio Garcia, but you could see Fowler’s frustration on the course Saturday, as Whistling Straits was obviously his last opportunity to win a major in 2015. Better luck next year, Rickie.
5. Jim Furyk’s swing looks even weirder in person.
Not much else to say here.
6. The biggest fashion trend at Whistling Straits…
You know what I haven’t seen since the early 2000’s? Popped collars. And there were an abundance of them at Whistling Straits today. Just look.
7. Some guy was wearing a Happy Gilmore Boston Bruins jersey t-shirt.
Whoever you are, wherever you are, thank you. You’re making the world a better place by owning that jersey t-shirt.
8. Kiradech Aphibarnrat.
Please say hello to my new favorite golfer. This guy is fat as shit, has an unbelievable last name, and is just overall awesome in general. Not sure how I didn’t know about Aphibarnrat before this weekend, but I am officially on board.
Forget Jordan Spieth, forget Branden Grace, and forget Jason Day.
Kiradech Aphibarnrat is the future of golf.
9. “Doing the Jim Harbaugh”
This was decided around 1:30 p.m. by my friend Dan – connecting a Sharpie marker to your lanyard is called “doing the Jim Harbaugh.” As you can see, watching a golf tournament has its share of downtime.
10. The PGA restricts media from taking “live action” photography.
Pretty much you’re only allowed to take pictures of grass or trees, so here’s a photo of Jordan Spieth applying sunblock to his left ear.
11. Sometime around 4:00 p.m. on Saturday, an older man (probably about 70-years-old), began making fun of me for my ‘Go Phone.’
Although I explained to him that this was merely an after-effect of Sprint’s piss-poor services, this old man and his grandkids relentlessly made fun of me and my $15.00 cell phone. It’s one thing to get made fun of, it’s another thing to get called a 90-year-old by a 70-year-old.
2015 PGA Championship: Unfiltered Recap From Whistling Straits
12. This morning I learned that Tony Finau’s golf career was sparked because of a show on Disney Channel.
13. And the winner for the greatest hat of the weekend goes to…
14. Around 1:30 p.m. I began yelling various chants at two of my favorite golfers: Matt Kuchar and Dustin Johnson.
Neither responded to my taunts after teeing off on the second hole, which included “Push the fluids Kuch!” and “Dustin! You’re my favorite golfer!”
However, I did catch DJ on the 9th hole and hit him with a line I’ve been saving all weekend: “DJ, I’m gonna name my kid after you!”
I got a laugh and a thumbs up. Nice.
15. Matt Kuchar called out some teenage punk for using his cell phone.
This was without question one of the most noteworthy memories of the weekend. After hitting his ball into the crowd to the left of the fairway on the ninth hole, Matt Kuchar was forced to hit a Happy Gilmore-esque shot with the crowd circled around him. The scene was suffocating enough, which is one of the reasons that the golfers and the caddies are so adamant about upholding the extremely strict cell phone policy.
Still, some dumbass kid literally standing five fight next to Kuchar decided to take his cell phone out right before Kuchar was about to swing. In even dumber fashion, the kid forgot to turn his phone on silent and forced Kuchar to back off his ball right before he was about to hit it. Kuchar’s caddy immediately turned around looking for the guy doing it, not realizing the little kid he was looking over was the guilty candidate.
Kuchar pointed at his caddy and said, “No – right there. It was that kid in the red shirt.” After realizing that Kuchar just singled out a 13-year-old in front of the entire crowd, I think his caddy felt a little bad and let the juvenile off with a cold stare and the embarrassment of being called out by a professional golfer during the middle of a tournament.
16. Still, that kid was not the dumbest kid at the 2015 PGA Championship.
It was the kid in the photo below, wearing a Patrick Kane jersey. Not saying wearing a Patrick Kane jersey is wrong (obviously because the facts aren’t out yet), just saying it’s a pretty bold and insensitive move given current events. And with that political correctness in mind, now consider the fact this kid was wearing a hockey jersey in 90-degree weather.
17. Billy Horschel wore the same bright neon green pants two days in-a-row.
Correction: Justin Thomas was wearing the neon green pants on Sunday. Still, not sure which is weirder…one golfer wearing the same pants two days in a row, or two different golfers wearing the same exact pants on different days. You be the judge.
18. And finally, I’ve saved the best for last.
Here’s a video follow up of my third note from the weekend: “this course is very hilly.” I apologize in advance to the guy that falls around 13 seconds in, but if you’re reading this, thanks for the laugh man.
By the way, check out my column on Monday with more detailed thoughts on golf’s fantastic Jason Day, and why nobody seemed to miss Tiger Woods at Whistling Straits this weekend. Sorry for the self-promotion, you hippie.