Oh, Jim Myers, what have you done?

“In order to make your experience as full as possible, and to prime you for the grueling run to the championship — there are four best-of-seven series to win the Cup — here’s a primer that even a basketball fan can enjoy and understand.”

Take that, add about five layers of (poor) sarcasm and condescension, and you have Jim Myers trying to explain hockey to Nashville Predators fans.

I’ll give you some of the ‘best’ excerpts from this article from the Tennesseean, but in layman’s terms, Mr. Myers doesn’t think very highly of his home-state hockey team and its fans.

What’s the five hole?

It’s really hard to get a puck past a professional goalie, especially someone like the Predators’ 6’5″ Pekka Rinne, but there are five numbered “holes” where the puck usually goes. One through four are the high and low areas on each side of the goalie. The five hole, is that tricky triangle between the legs. While you’re at it, learn how to pronounce our fabulous goalie’s name. It’s PECK-ah REEN-eh. You think that’s hard, try saying “Minä rakastan sinua,” which means “I love you” in his native Finnish language.[/quote_box_center]

I can just picture Myers wagging his finger at the computer screen when he typed that little bit up.

“No milk for you, son. Not until you pronounce that Transformer on the ice’s name right.”

Shouting “You’re a hoser!” at an opposing player

This one’s fun because it is such a Canadian thing to say. Hoser is the term our neighbors to the north use to call someone a loser or an idiot. Its origins go back to the early days of hockey, before Zamboni machines, when the team that lost the game actually had to hose down the ice for a fresh surface.[/quote_box_center]

He’s subtly telling Predators fans unaware of rich hockey traditions that this is what they’ll need to yell at their team after their inevitable loss.

Section 303

This is the epicenter for taunts, chants and general Predator passion. Up high in the corner, the section known as the Cell Block practically requires a finger prick test and an oath of allegiance to even sit there. Sitting high in the corners is actually a great way to watch the game because you can see the plays develop. That’s a nice way of saying, “I’d rather be on the glass where I can be a half-inch away when Jonathan Toews’ mug gets hot-pressed in the corner.” For the record, Toews is the leading scorer for the Preds’ rival and first-round opponent, the Chicago Blackhawks.[/quote_box_center]

He’s explaining to the ‘Chreaster’ Predators fans that that single section in the stadium cheering for the hockey team has a name. I’ll even admit that the Cell Block is a pretty badass name for a cheering section, but it’s also kind of ridiculous that it’s in the 300-level.

Then again, he has to explain who Jonathan Toews is, and reiterate that the Hawks are their first-round opponent. Order restored.


Now, Nashville isn’t exactly a hockey haven. But this entire rant, you can read the full thing here, sounds like someone trying to explain Einstein to a toddler.

Like the Sun Times’ Mark Lazerus put it, it’s very worthy of a facepalm.

While unfortunate, especially to the legitimate fans down in Nashville, it doesn’t come as a surprise to anyone in Chicago. Remember, this is the same team and PR folks who purposefully put restrictions on ticket sales, limiting them to specific markets. And the same one who wants to alter the National Anthem presentation to neutralize the opposing fans – specifically Blackhawks fans.

Have you ever heard that old saying, “It was over before it ever even started?”

Well, welcome to the Blackhawks-Nashville Predators series. Better yet, welcome to the world of the Chicago Blackhawks. Forget the fact that the game is played on the ice between the players, this team and organization have opponents and their fan bases shitting their pants before the ‘biscuit’ even drops.

And Jim Myers acting like a fourth grade gym teacher certainly isn’t helping.

(Update: 4/16 11:02 AM)

Welcome to Nashville where we don’t even hide the fact that we don’t know shit besides music.

As I wrote this column yesterday I honestly did not think it could get any worse. Part of me felt bad for the Predators fans who clearly became the butt of this clueless writer’s terrible joke. I assumed that it would start and end with this hack.

Nope. It looks like the organization thinks as highly about its fans as Jim Myers does. Or about as highly of them as Myers’ employer, the Tennessean, does. A poorly executed sarcastic article is one thing, but handing out Rules of the Game? 

Come on. The Predators were founded in 1998, not two weeks ago.

Forget the fact they commissioned the Mayor of the damn city to make a public service announcement pleading the fans to sing the national anthem in an attempt to neutralize Blackhawks fans.

The Nashville Predators and everything associated with them is so damn petty. It’s so comical at this point that I can’t help but laugh.

Honestly, if/when the players and coaching staff find out about all this amateur bullshit, they’re gonna be like “We’re already playing the Blackhawks, and you’re pulling this?”

Don’t worry Nashville, biscuit season will probably be over soon.

(Featured Image courtesy of Jeronbay)