Don’t worry guys, it’s cool. Donald Sterling and V. Stiviano are still “official BFF’s forever.”
We’re only one year removed from Deadspin’s epic unraveling of the audio tapes that verified the former owner of the Los Angeles Clippers is a rich, geriatric racist. But despite the fact that his girlfriend’s recordings of his incriminating conversation went viral (ultimately ending Sterling’s 33-year ownership of the Los Angeles Clippers), she still seems quite happy with his loose skin and old balls.
Here’s the excerpt from her incredibly long Instagram caption. For the record, we’re not the ones that formatted it like a fourth grader’s Valentine’s Day card.
“It’s official BFF’s for ever”
It happens like this. “One day you meet someone and for some inexplicable reason, you feel more connected to this stranger than anyone else–closer to them than your closest family. Perhaps this person carries within them an angel–one sent to you for some higher purpose; to teach you an important lesson or to keep you safe during a perilous time. What you must do is trust in them–even if they come hand in hand with pain or suffering–the reason for their presence will become clear in due time.” Though here is a word of warning–you may grow to love this person but remember they are not yours to keep. Their purpose isn’t to save you but to show you how to save yourself. And once this is fulfilled; the halo lifts and the angel leaves their body as the person exits your life. They will be a stranger to you once more.
My mentor is my partner in crime, today is a day of celebration and trouble making for this best friend duo. The beginning of something great: another year with you. Our friendship is made of gold and it will stay solid for ever. I love you with all my heart. Happy Birthday Donald T. Sterling from the one and only your #ANGEL
I can get over the fact that V. Stiviano doesn’t like first names. But the fact that she would post something this extensive in naivety is just messed up. Whether or not she actually Googled “love quotes” and copy/pasted them together (which is exactly what it seems like), to say that your friendship is “made of gold” is literally an invitation for mockery.
The only thing impressive about V. Stiviano’s birthday letter to Donald Sterling is that she made herself an even bigger target for jokes. Above all else, I don’t think anybody saw that coming.
Earlier this year, a judge ruled that Stiviano had to give back $2.6 million in gifts that the former Clippers owner had given her. Apparently, that damaged her ego enough that she needed to model that luxurious Gucci purse to her 69,000 Instagram followers.
On that note, let’s point out the fact that V. Stiviano has 69,000 followers on Instagram. And then let’s point out the fact that the mayor of New York City has well under 1/6 of that many followers.
Just so that you can believe your eyes for another 30 seconds, here’s a look at the post in its entirety. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.