Soccer. Cycling. Olympics. Now a world tennis scandal?

I’m telling you, international sports are as corrupt as Bernie Sanders is socialist. When I first saw the breaking news from BuzzFeed and BBC about widespread match-fixing and bribery in international tennis, I just started busting out laughing.

I knew it. It was just a matter of time. But I knew it.

As I saw how deep the bribery ran and who it may have involved (it goes as far as players like Novak Djokovic, and other top ranked players), I wondered how it was kept a secret for so long. Easy answer: Money.

It runs the world.

But then I remembered one thing about living in America, following primarily American sports: We may dick on guys like Roger Goodell, David Stern, and Adam Silver, whoever the asshole that runs hockey now (it’s Gary Bettman, I know), but damn we have it pretty good.

FIFA sells off World Cup locations like an auctioneer at a local Storage Facility. In America, you have, like, eight possible stadiums to host the Super Bowl because it’s too damn cold at the other 25 venues.

Roger Goodell is a white knight compared to those Euro-centric money-wielding douches across the pond.

But back to the corruption.

I pulled this from Deadspin’s summarization of the match-fixing reports, and it’s pretty damning.

Bookmakers have told BuzzFeed News that, in many cases, when they tried to warn the Tennis Integrity Unit about suspicious matches they got no response. The tennis authorities often did not follow up to request in-depth information – such as the betting history and computer details of the suspicious gamblers – to which only bookmakers have access. Without that information, they say, a thorough investigation would be virtually impossible.

The European Sports Security Association, which collects suspicious betting alerts from bookmakers, has sent the Tennis Integrity Unit warnings from its members about suspicious matches involving 15 of the players whose names have repeatedly been flagged to the authorities. In one case, the integrity unit was sent four alerts about a particular player and warned to take note of his “relentless abuse”.

In addition, the European Sports Security Association alerted the Tennis Integrity Unit to 49 suspicious matches in the first three quarters of last year alone and warned in three successive reports that tennis attracts more dubious betting activity than any other sport.

It goes much, much deeper, and if you want a clear understanding you won’t get it here. I do implore you to read the full transcripts.

To put it in layman’s terms for you simpletons: Take what you know about the NBA’s game fixing scandal from 15 years ago. Replace Tim Donaghy with Carmelo Anthony, Dwyane Wade, and Derrick Rose; commit the infractions daily and you have what tennis is going through.

I just hope all the jackasses that get tossed in jail have half as much fun as Paul Crewe did.